MATE COLUMN
27/2/2012: Cheap Drinks Anyone - by Mark Wilson
While out on Saturday night I hazily remember a conversation with a friend over from Canada about a $4000 bottle of wine he had seen on a menu at a local bar.
Maybe it’s my small town upbringing or some slim grasp on reality I still maintain which leads me to believe that there is no possible situation warranting the purchase of such a bottle unless of course the mighty Southland Stags won the ITM Cup or the proposed Milford tunnel somehow ripped a hole in the space time continuum ala the DeLorean in back to the future linking up with the Stockholm metro bringing in trainloads of confused looking Scandinavian tourists blurry eyed and in search of comforting.
On the same night we frequented the usual local hot spots and as any good backpacker or former Dunedin ‘Scarfie’ knows there are plenty of bargains to be had. Suffering diminished brain and liver function from months of travelling even the most mentally regressive visitor has worked out a night out in Queenstown can be cheaper than a bride in Thailand. $2.50 handles, free bar snacks, two for one drinks, $5 house spirits the list is endless. It makes my ‘Scarfie’ heyday in Dunedin feel like yesterday.
In Dunedin It didn’t take the Varsity, Police and local liquor licensing authority long to put a lid on iconic promotions such as toss the boss, $28 crates and $2 doubles. The Queenstown equivalent a seems on the face of it a little more liberal and fair enough we rely on visitors enjoying themselves and I would be reluctant to burden the hospitality industry with any additional rules and regulation.
However Queenstown is in danger of becoming a Bunning’s warehouse for drinkers.
Is this bad a bad thing? I enjoy a drink or 6 and every dollar saved is a dollar more for the taxi home which definitely hasn’t got any cheaper, so as a drinker I’m basically for it but as a marketer and businessman it kills me to see it.
The major winners in this game are our visitors, by engaging in this massive industry wide discount battle we are sending them away with far more money in their pocket to spend in Dunedin, Auckland and Thailand.
You can’t begrudge individual bar owners for trying to stay afloat a cut throat environment. This has been forced on the industry through tough times as a survival measure. Margins are tight and it’s hard to miss the number of bar closures in town.
However when average price per dink from 8am to midnight struggles to get above $4.00 yet mere meters away you can buy a $4000 bottle of wine its begs the Question whose got it right?
Queenstown has a great night scene let’s value accordingly it and aim for fair prices to reflect owner’s investment some great venues.
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25/1/2012: New Zealand Guide to Hitch Hiking- by Mark Wilson
It’s summer, hitchhiking season in the land of the long white cloud and New Zealand is indeed long, sparsely populated by airports, largely devoid of motorways or any kind of meaningful rail network.
Being long rugged, relatively empty and malnourished in terms of transport infrastructure, getting around is often one of the great challenges.
One of New Zealand’s more redeeming features is that apart from a few nut jobs who mainly reside in our Northern Island people are friendly, safe and keen to show off their backyard. Another of our celebrated characteristics is that despite being windy and often potholed our roads offer a great glimpse of real the New Zealand not to mention some of the best views on the planet.
Safe and scenic New Zealand the Hitchhiking capital of the world, where thumbing a ride is a cheap and entertaining means of transport heavily patronised by Kiwi’s for decades and equally as popular with our international visitors.
Hitchhiking isn’t without its challenges however, for a start there is New Zealand’s unique ability to produce four seasons of weather in one day, low traffic volumes making rides few and far between and lastly a lack of understanding of our unwritten code of practice for picking up hitch hikers.
When hitch hiking you’re really selling yourself like a product to the passing motorist, things like where you stand, who you are standing with, when you stand there and your appearance will influence the decision making process of your potential lift. The market has never been more competitive with German trampers, Scandinavian backpackers, Kiwi work commuters and the odd general vagrant all vying for a lift.
When assessing the merits of picking up an extra passenger or two from the side of the road I adhere strictly to the NZ Hitchhiker code.
The code states males only pick up attractive females or ideally groups of females, preferably not in tramping gear which would indicate a lack of showering.
If you’re a scruffy looking group of male youths, pants round your arse sucking on a lung dart you’re not getting picked up this side of Christmas. Sort your act out pull your dam low riding pants up, there are no points for looking like a street rat and very few rides.
Guys a box of Speight’s for the driver (to drink later of course) a humorous sign and non offensive dress can help overcome your gender based disadvantage. If you see a car load of females get the David Hasslehof amongst you to whip his top off and smile!
If you’re a couple backpacking you need to be smart hide your gear and the male in the bushes or behind a nearby building and use the fairer sex as a hitch hiking decoy.
So be smart this summer market yourself well, follow the code and you should be cruising from a to b in no time.
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17/11/2011: Your Slice of the Electoral Pie- by Mark Wilson
Despite the plethora of tacky campaign adverts and stock standard election year bickering, and voter buying it’s refreshingly easy to be distracted from the election hype living in this unique part of the world.
You only have to take a glace out the window at snow covered November Mountains to realise the insignificance of anything a government can do compared with the real forces that shape our world. If this isn’t distracting enough my gaze is drawn away from election hoardings by the annual Pinewood Lodge bound November migration of wave after wave of usually atheistically pleasing, predominantly female, Danish students for what I believe is an English language course.
Despite this fierce contest for my attention I do consider the duty to vote an important one and would like to think that I have a decent grapple on the issues. It can all get a bit complicated so I simplify things by using pie analogies. Pies being something most kiwis can relate to and probably if we are honest relate to a little too well.
The Red bakery wants to make sure our Earnest Adams bacon and egg pie is divided evenly between the family so while most won’t be full no one starves. Apportioned with precession cuts so that even naughty little Phil get a decent feed, despite being late to the table because he was out the back perusing through his shiny new hustler collection purchased by extending the limit on the family credit card.
The Blue bakery is a little more ambitious and wants to bake a larger pie and throw it out on the lawn for everyone to have a crack at, they are also happy to contract out part of the baking process to save money. Cunning young John set everyone’s clocks back an hour and had first crack at the pie, he is now cast like a pregnant ewe on the lawn due after overindulging yet has still managed to book himself a Hawaiian holiday with his new iPad, purchased from selling some of his excess pie to the Chinese.
I’m an honest bloke so I’m going to put my hand up for as much pie as possible even if It means the risk of going hungry but as anyone with siblings knows if mum put’s more pie on one kid’s plate than the other all hell will break loose so even using pie it’s a dangerous game.
You can travel to bakeries across the ditch serving consistently bigger pies, great outdoor dining and usually a better looking waitresses so let’s hope that everyone feels they can get a big enough share of the fiscal pie this election and we are not all eating Kangaroo and Dingo pies in Bondi come the new electoral term.
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09/10/2011: God Dam Parking Wardens- by Mark Wilson
Now as a wide eyed ambition filled child if some asked you pick the 5 jobs you would most like to avoid I’m sure parking warden would be right up there with being a Unich or a cess pit cleaner. I’m pretty sure it was deliberately left off those career suitability programmes your teachers used to run on the computer after you completed a few seemly aimless questions, telling you to be a fireman.
Like every profession though someone needs to do it and as Mr T would say “I pitty the fool”. I from time to time have weaker moments where I feel for the poor characters who police the yellow and white lines of the cities to keep ardent criminals from exhorting the conscientious ratepayers goodwill by breaching the 10 commandments of parking law.
These moments of empathy are as fleeting as Caleb Ralphs rugby talent and no sooner than I have developed a flicker of respect and admiration for these battlers it is washed away like a Brazilian slum in a mud slide by an altercation with the short and often dumpy arm of the parking law.
Sometimes I wonder if councils have run a newspaper advert asking for the anyone with a chip on their shoulder, an artificial importance complex or specifically requesting bullied children looking to get back at society to apply for positions as parking NAZI’s.
Do HR departments of councils run around shaking moron trees looking for the most obnoxious and personality deprived individuals to recruit for these key positions, similar to a college footy coach searching the projects for the next Big Mike.
The irony gets me sometimes, we pay the councils for this service then pay again to park then pay again if we infringe and the parking wardens who in fact work for us treat their employers with such distain that if it was a real workplace you would have them clearing their desk and Johnny whipped out of there faster than an English tabloid could latch onto a fringe royal news story. Not only can we not fire them, we have to pander to their ridiculous requests that defy the logic of regular humans and must only make sense in the parking warden parallel universe that exists between the enforcement lines.
I’ve been asked to move into a park from the street when simply pausing to pick up a fiend running out from their office, despite the road being wide enough for 3 busses and Oprah Winfrey’s huge arse to pay me by. I’ve been moved along when loading the contents of my flooded office into my car after flying half way round the world to attend a relative’s funeral and finding my office in ruins, I like many of you have had my tyre marked while I’m in my car idling about to leave the park, SAVE THE CHALK you dimwits.
Parking wardens are like rugby referees, stick to the letter of the law as interpreted in their faltering minds apply it universally without any commonsense and are subject to the same bias as the Samoans have found at RWC 2011 especially if it’s a mate or a council vehicle that is breaking the rules.
The ultimate insult occurred recently at the mighty ‘Peach Palace’ my large peach place of residence in Queenstown, where the street is a little on the narrow side and my flatmates hummer a little on the wide side. Parking half a meter onto the footpath allows a smooth flow of traffic, so the orderly residents of Kent street have been living by this common curtsey for years in peace and traffic has flowed freely like missed penalties off Johnny Wilkinson’s left boot. Recently a parking attendant suffering from that great disorder we know as small mans syndrome has been ticketing up a storm determined to grind traffic to a halt in preference of pedestrians being able to walk triple file down the footpath.
Finally I spied the midget oppressor in action driving his council car he pulled up 25m from a dangerous corner on a yellow line and proceeded to ticket a vehicle for being parked possibly 40cm’s onto the footpath with a vacant section adjacent to it providing up to 25m of clearance for pedestrians. The irony that one can break a safety rule to issue an infringement notice to a contributing member of society using their brain but technically committing a minor offence is mind blowing.
Parking wardens are a necessary evil but moron parking wardens are a gigantic waste of oxygen and need to ask themselves some serious questions about their outlook on life.
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11/11/2011: Steve
Scum of the Earth but I would't want their job! Mind you they choose it so maybe it takes a certain type of person to enjoy that?
11/9/2011: Google and Facebook, is Sarah Conners Skynet paranoia becoming a reality?- by Mark Wilson
Are the farfetched fantasies of Sci-Fi movie’s slowly becoming more plausible as we hurtle head onto into digital oblivion? Was Sarah Conner onto something when she proposed that machines/computers would one day become self aware and protect themselves against their biggest threat man?
Even with the rapid rise of the internet and the current social media tech bubble it all sounds fanciful to suppose that humans will one day be replaced at the top of the food chain by machines. But before your dismiss it as pie in the sky dreamland garbage has anyone ever tried to get hold of a human at Google, Facebook or even hotmail?
3 of the big internet powerhouses, they provide the world with a social interaction experience which has broadened the horizon of communication no end yet it seems that in order to communicate with them you need to be a rocket scientist or someone with enough clout to affect their bottom line or blight their cult like popularity.
They have gotten so enormous it’s that to run without employing the entire population of China they have developed automated computer systems so complex that they boggle the mind, these programmes and algorithms are so more closely guarded than the Colonel’s secret bled of herbs and spices. They are self-aware and humans no longer control them, well at least it seems that way as getting in touch with a human at any of these places is harder than getting an audience with the Pope.
There is no customer help desk, no contact us email, no physical address for mail or not one that would ensure they actually got your mail. You are forced to rely on a series of help pages and if your specific issue isn’t covered paste a message on an online help forum in the hope some other computer geek has the good fortune to stumble across it and the goodwill to help you. Well they often help but sometimes want to charge you for their efforts.
Being in little old New Zealand make matters even worse, it’s like they don’t even know our country exists. There will definitely not be an office here or any directly employed staff at best a few PR companies hired to spin the brand image in a positive light and maybe a contract sales force to sell the revenue generating adverts but not a help desk to solve their user’s myriad of woes.
Taking a few specific examples.
1) Google Places is becoming increasingly more important in business these days. It has replaced the online yellow pages as the one stop shop to find the location and/or contact details of a service you are looking for. You may not even know you use it or what it is but when you type a search term into Google you can select places along with search parameters such as images etc as and this will tailor the results to suit. Even if you run a general stock standard Google search the places results are now often at the top of page one or at least on it somewhere. 
Soon if you do not have a verified Google Places listing you may as well be invisible. But how do I verify my listing?
You have a few choices, by phone…. Good luck being around when they call especially if you’re a bar or restaurant and don’t even think about listing your mobile number they don’t allow that, by mail…. I’ve tried this multiple times and according to the help forum so have many hundred other kiwis with the verification post card never arriving.
Well I will just contact Google and let them know its not working.... WRONG! Try finding an email address that works first, maybe you will if you are clever enough to dredge around all the online blogs for some intelligent persons advice on who to email even then you will most likely as I was be met with an automated response. My automated response featured a survey on customer satisfaction regarding help on Goolge places, how ironic, what satisfaction? I never got any help!
2) Facebook, so large now that it has its own gravitational pull and is coining terms in the dictionary. If Facebook crashed governments would fall but good luck ever talking to anyone at Facebook about your suspended account or content upload lockout. It to has a web of help topics and forums but they invariably don’t cover every possible eventuality and they are even more scarce on other options than Google.
Using Facebooks ridiculous content violation system as an example. If upload a photo for a business I work for (I’ don’t use Facebook for personal reasons) that photo can be reported by anyone including my clients competitors for a violation of Facebook’s content terms and conditions.
The brilliantly stupid reality is that the photo doesn’t actually have to be in violation as the system is automated (sky-net! sky-net!) as due to the large number of users and photos it would be impossible for Facebook to check all complaints. As a result any complaint results in the image being taken down and a warning, the second complaint a ban for 24 hours and so on until your account is suspended.
So your competitors can shut down your site or have the administrator accounts for a site such as your personal profile suspended even if you do nothing wrong. Try contacting Facebook to sort out this mess or even inform them of the predatory marketing practices of the your competitors or even an impending Facebook war where all the parties in an industry will be going tit for tat having content removed from each other’s sites and you draw a hugely frustrating blank, Google search this and you find that you’re not alone nowhere near alone in this frustration.
It drives you to the point of hopelessness, realising that as much as these companies and their technology has changes our lives and even improved them depending on which side of the technology fence you sit on if you get on the wrong side of the ledger there is no way back your absolutely screwed!
It’s all automated with computers in control people are out of the loop and that way out crack pot Sarah Conner and her Sky-Net theory in terminator may not be that far away from becoming a scary reality!
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11/9/2011: Tech Hater
I use technology out of necessity not enjoyment and I sense your frustration! You should not be able to do business in NZ without providing a contact phone number for issues its madness.
11/9/2011: Sally45
You just don't like facebook! You always moan about it yet you have a facebook page? Ironic!
25/8/2011: Stags Staggering Home - by Mark Wilson
As a southern male or maybe just as an unusual human uninfluenced by soppy TV drama and happy ever after chick flick love stories it has never come naturally for me to attach powerful feelings and emotions to people, events or life in general. I shy away from hugs whether they be from my mum or a tidy sheila with limited enough eye sight to hang around me for a while. I’m not comfortable talking about feelings and if the world love is thrown into a conversation heck even a movie I get squeamish but yet I will flat out confess a love for a team of dirty, sweaty males chasing an oval ball around the field. Not just any team, not my national team as many would expect but the Mighty Southland Stags.
My emotions which are normally hidden or nonexistent when it comes to most of life’s regular transactions come racing to the surface in violent waves of heated passion every time Stag Rugby hits the turf, they even simmer away ready to burst forth when required to defend or debate the lads merits over the course of any given season. Stag rugby is the first thing in my calendar, dominates my weekends and consumes a fair chunk of my daily thoughts. I spend the NPC glued to the TV watching from afar or flying; driving and bussing to take in the action live, decked out in full maroon swagger lending my voice to the chorus of Southland faithful who feverishly support their beloved Stags.
As sad as it may seem to some people I must admit my annual mood hinges at least a fair amount on how the Stags perform in any given season. It would then come with no surprise that the success of recent years has made me a happy man, but with success comes expectation and rightly so. Never has the South been blessed with such a group of talented young men ready and willing to pull on the maroon jersey and leave it all on the paddock or at least never in my living memory. This team should win and should be able to win convincingly at times.
The current team and support staff are skilled, reek potential and are as well resourced if not more so than any Southland team that has gone before them. This tight unit have spent the last 5 or 6 years building momentum hoovering up wins and accolades not to mention highly sort after silverware such as the mighty ‘Log of Wood’ and the Donald Stewart Memorial Shield. There have been playoffs and All Black selections to boot although maybe not as many as deserved. Yet with all the success and the associated reflected glory basked in at will by Stags fans Thursdays loss to the Naki competes somewhat of plateau if not a backwards slide in the last 15 months. Since losing the shield to Canterbury care of a Matt Todd ruck infringement some SBW magic and some foul luck when Tony Koonwaiyou was adjudged out on a 50/50 call the Stags seems to have failed to regain the upward momentum they had, not helped in part by the negative sentiment generated by media over the financial issues that have troubled the administration during the past few seasons
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The Stags seem to be stuck between trying to play to their traditional strengths or embracing an all out attacking game plan flinging the ball wide and counter attacking at will. This frustrates me as it now seems we have lost some of our edge in traditional areas strength such as the set piece, rucks and malls and haven’t really clicked expect for brief patches while playing our new game plan. This new game plan is commendable in its endeavour but seems to be similar to the way the All Blacks tried to play against South Africa in Port Elizabeth last weekend which was undone an opposition who didn’t have to play any real rugby. It has already happened to the Stags in the last few seasons, play all the footy, dominate the numbers and lose as the opposition capitalises on vital errors or takes well struck kicks from penalties given away on attack just as often as defence. I feel a scary sense of impending doom each time the ball goes wide even if we break the first line of defence, a turnover is not far away and the resulting counter attack often leads to points, heartbreak, hypertension and holes in living room walls for fans.
What also frustrates me is the amount of absolutely baffling calls that go against the Stags in any one season whether successful or not and Thursdays shield challenge was no different. Jason Rutlegde was penalised for not rolling away when he made a better effort than anyone else has all season to do so. The Stags penalised repeatedly at ruck time for a variety of marginal infringements while the Naki were allowed to continually go straight down and seal off the ball, similar to the Boks the other night. Sure the Stags were not committing the numbers at the breakdown but if anyone can be supporting their own weight with their head below their hips and their whole body leaning into the ruck like a certain tower in Pisa get them to the Olympics as a power lifter I say.
Sounds like sour grapes and maybe it is but I reckon a quick review of the footage by anyone with a half decent knowledge of the rules would see at least a 60/40 split in the officiating against Southland including some very crucial decisions. The guy doing the Stats was obviously on drugs as he had the penalty count at 9 in 8 minutes, 6 to 3 against Taranaki which was about as inaccurate as some of Labours David Cunliffe’s recent commentary on New Zealands debt.
Officiating aside the Stags really can’t look too far past themselves again for this loss, handling which has been poor all season in fact for a number of seasons was again a thorn in their side and they never really stamped their authority on the game bar some brutal defence for which they were rewarded with more penalties against them by wayward officiating. They played with heart as always but not the smarts or accuracy required to win the day.
Where to now? Well I’m semi depressed and unless Wellington loses to Harbour and we thrash BOP this will only grow to become full blown. I see Stag rugby teetering on a little bit of knife edge. We have lost the shield, are threatened with relegation, player payments need to come down, will we be able to retain all of our hard won and developed talent? How will we address this game plan issue and start playing with accuracy and consistency? Can the Stags fulfil the potential that this team has to finish in the heady heights of the table or will this era of unrivalled talent and success fall short and fade into memory like some of the great era’s of the past?
I think we need to focus on the basics, kick it when we are in our own 22, don’t kick it any other time, plenty of pick and goes and close to the ruck plays at least that way we minimise the chance for the referee to allow the other teams to pressure our ball. We need to attack out wide when it’s on but don’t throw the 50/50 passes and holding onto the ball securely when hitting the contact area would be ideal. When we get close to the opposition line, rumble forward Stag Rugby of old style and get the grunters hitting it up until we break through or get the penalty. Focus on set piece and dominate the scrums like we used to; this platform will sap the opposition of energy and remove the sting that pressures us into mistakes. Stags don’t miss tackles from set play or phase play its only penalties and broken play attacks that will break us, so simply put if we play territory and don’t turn the ball over it should be win after win. Keep it simple otherwise my heart will only have a few more years left to run with all these gut wrenching last minute wins and losses.
It’s hard to find a bad word to say regarding a team stacked with hero’s of mine, an organisation that fills me with much joy on an annual basis but my heart, our living room wall, my friends stress levels are all in jeopardy if things don’t settle down for next season.
One thing for sure you get your money’s worth! “Stag Rugby this is living”
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25/8/2011: Longwoods
Pick and go mate, pick and go. Enough bloody fancy dan back line stuff we have a great pack lets focus on building plays around them and using Wilsons long kicking game.
25/8/2011: Roaring pen
Miss the old rumbling it up the guts as the primary form of attack days, felt much safer then. It sure has been a nail biting last few seasons with so many games going down to the wire, hard on the nerves!
16/8/2011: End of the road for DAVID TUA - by Mark Wilson
Saturday was the most frustrating day of sport in the history of my sports fan career. I ended the day frustrated, emotionally drained, with a new hole in the living room wall and feeling a sense of immense disappointment for a fallen sporting hero.
First I endured 81 minutes of hell on earth watching the Stags fumble their way through their worst performance of the season stuck it seemed between game plans, unable to get the normally reliable lineout going and being pressured by a North Harbour outfit playing its best footy of the season. This was followed by about 30 seconds of heart stopping tension and an explosion of relief and joy that would make Mt St Helens last eruption look like a cheap Chinese made roman candle. The Stags snatched victory from the jaws of defeat well into injury time which sent emotions at the peach palace flying off the Richter scale resulting in a new hole in the living room wall and even some blood being drawn but at least the shield remained in the South.
It took an hour or two for the nerves to settle and no sooner had my heart rate returned to a stable 70 beats per minute when the Warriors hit the Mt Smart Stadium turf on mistake overload mode, coughing up pill left right and centre attempting despite making some telling line breaks to hand the Newcastle Nights a much needed victory in the race for top 8 spots. Again after enduring a frustrating and often infuriating match the Warriors came good in the end and delivered a well needed victory. KFC would have been happy with 30 piece bucket orders going through the roof to celebrate the victory.
Now it was time to tuck in grab a feed and refocus on David Tua Fighting for redemption not to mention the respect of the rest of the heavy weight division respect that would have been vital to him earning some more dough in the ring to pay back the lawyers.
As you usually do in these situations, the undercard was skipped to an extent in anticipation of the main event. A trip to Fresh Choice to grab a plunger to unblock the sink provided the ideal distraction to the build up and by the time the blockage was removed and mess polished away Tua and Barrett were eying each other in the ring like a couple of price roosters in a back alley Bangkok cock fighting tournament.
I was shocked after reading a lot of hype about Tua trying out some new training techniques and being in good shape to see him again look like he had been on a staple diet of weight lifting and Burger King as Jake the Muss would say” too many weights not enough speed work”. There is no way a professional athlete of Tua’s standing, fighting for his financial life and the respect of his peers should have been carrying that amount of lifestyle around the middle. He was at least 7 or 8kgs heavier than he needed to be and 10kgs heavier than he should be. He was 4 or 5kgs heavier than the Cameron fight and a couple of years older so really needed to be lighter and fitter but that was definitely not the case. Barrett on the other hand looked trim and in the kind of shape that not only belied his years but showed what good preparation can achieve.
Tua in his early career pre the hype and the hair, pre the attitude and the entourage, pre the financial and management meltdowns and back to basics comebacks was a pure power hitter, with a Tyson like killer instinct he was fast, deadly fast, lean and aggressive he earned a fearsome reputation as a knockout boxer. Tua on numbers alone has an impressive record, a few minor belts, more first round knock outs than any heavyweight that has graced the ring other than Iron Mike and only 4 losses over 18 years and 58 professional fights against some notable opposition, not to mention only one knockdown. Tua pre his 2000 title fight with Lewis fought some big names and even more big names avoided his power out of fear but I felt by 2000 Tua’s best athletically and tactically was behind him his weight was becoming an issue and his fights despite some epic results tended to be frustrating to watch as you felt he wasn’t aggressive or busy enough.
My main frustration with Tua is that for a boxer with a granite jaw and a thundering punch with more power than a Mack Truck on steroids, easily enough to knock out any boxer in the world couldn’t win a world title. He just didn’t do enough regularly enough in fights after 2000. As a fan you would sit there in frustration as he plodded around the ring throwing the odd powerful blow rocking his opponent then seemingly run out of puff or lacked a little killer instinct to finish things off, that was on a good day some days he just seemed to a big fat lazy cat playing with a mouse that he could easily kill but wasn’t really motivated to do it. Sure he won most of them but it was rarely with the ferocious displays that hall marked his earlier career.
He showed glimpse of his old self against Cameron but then it seemed to disappear from the later part of his 2nd comeback, before being snuffed out probably once and for all by that stuttering performance against Barrett on Saturday.
Tua can be summed up as an under achiever in the heavyweight division. He had all the tools to be a world champion despite his height, but he was poorly managed, often poorly prepared for fights in terms of conditioning and lastly fought with some questionable tactics and motivation levels. I liken the Tua we see now to a large Russian tank driven by a new recruit, it has heavy armour and a massive gun but its sluggish and being operated by a guy (Tua’s trainers and himself) without the skills to utilise its few remaining large assets, its armour, Tua’s granite Jaw and its large shells Tua’s power punches.
Tua’s only chance is to find the team that can get the best out of this machine. He needs to trim down, get fit, address his tactical flaws, be more aggressive and busy from the outset and most of all fight not like a man who has time to redress his failure but a man who has nothing left to lose. Tua lost on points it has the same effect in the end as a knock out but I’d wager if he went in for the kill early on and exposed himself to being knocked out he probably would have won the fight within 6 rounds and be challenging for the world title against Klitschko.
He has been our greatest heavyweight boxer for generations he beat past and future world champions, Michael Moorer, John Ruiz, Robert Daniels and despite losing on points in one of the best fights ever in the heavyweight division battered Ike Ibeabuchi with such force that he never recovered and ended up pretty much going mad and spending time behind bars but this is all in the past water under a far away bridge. Now is the time for Tua unless he can lose 10 or 15kgs and the fear he showed early against Barrett to hang up the gloves and find a new road. It’s been an entertaining ride for the fans even with the frustration, no one can say that Tua did not draw the fans but what you can say is he often left us feeling a little unfulfilled.
BELOW are some of Tua’s Knockouts notice the power, the killer instinct to finish off his opponent the combinations of multiple punches being hailed down on his opponents the speed of his movements when he went to strike, all of that was missing last weekend.
Tua v Ruiz http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj_Vyc6ByKo&feature=related probably the most brutal knock out I’ve seen.
Tua v Moorer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlS82LC3fTo&NR=1
Tua v Danell Nicholson http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dASi84Pdh6I
Tua v Obed Sullivan http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WE-2OIHaxPY&feature=related
Tua v Ron Humes http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIJWqS93GeY Tua’s first ever fight.
Tua vs Alfredo Nevarez http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lfv9nH53_vQ&feature=related
Tua v Ken Lakusta http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tS8iuz2klxw&feature=related
Tua v Cecil Coffee http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_5I5XH8tE&feature=related
Tua v Cerrone Fox http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72Ow_h1duIo&feature=related
Tua v Garry Bell http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2IZM96TscE&feature=related
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13/8/2011: No Prayer for the Dying Wanganui - by Mark Wilson
At the risk of Steeling creative mastery from metal legends Iron Maiden Song, No Prayer for the Dying seems an appropriate title for the current row which has just washed onto the shores of the Human Rights Tribunal care of the Wanganui district council.
The question seems very relevant and long overdue “is it correct to give one faith preferential treatment, effective in law and due process in such things as council proceedings or even more importantly government formalities”?
Needs to be asked but surely it’s not a human rights issue more of an issue for common sense. I shouldn’t be surprised though in thousands of years of human existence there hasn’t been a single scrap of common sense shown when it comes to religious matters especially matters where one religion comes up against another. I guess at least there aren’t people burning at the stake in Wanganui over this one and they are tackling the issue with some form of robust and moderately civilised debate.
The row in question kicked off when Wanganui District Mayor Annette Main asked that references to god be removed from the councils opening prayer to be respectful of all faiths not just Christians. Seemed logical but with common sense on the verge of prevailing the old religious fervour kicked in and the council was being asked is prayer an appropriate topic for the council agenda at all. To escalate the matter and ensure the maximum amount of time and resources were consumed debating the issue another member of the council Clive Solomon took the raised the with Human Rights Tribunal.
This is Wanganui so one may ask why is it relevant for a one eyed Southlander to even bother using valuable energy that could be channelled into supporting the Stags pondering an issue which may as well be happening on the Moon considering how important Wanganui is to my existence? Fair call... But it touches on a pet hate of mine... the old different rules for different people scenario. Despite Don Brash’s many pit falls his simple belief, well outwardly at least if we are to beleive his retoric is that we are all entitled to be judged under the same set of rules. Fair enough and I think this concept should apply to Religion as well.
I’m happy for people to believe in anything they want, I don’t need to understand it or believe in it I just need to tolerate its existence as long as it’s not interfering with my own freedoms. So why should one religion be treated differently to any other, if we have one prayer why not have the lot or even more sensibly a multi faith prayer or probably even more relevant for a secular society such as New Zealand which is embracing the modern world at a rapid pace no prayer at all leaving people to practice which ever religion they choose at their local place of worship or in the home thus saving any possible conflict.
The Wanganui issue does not exist in isolation, recently a security company advertised for staff specifically stating that the dress code was "You need to be well presented: long hair, ponytails, visible facial piercings are not acceptable. Hats and caps are not part of our uniform and we can therefore not allow turbans."
This of course lead to an outcry from the Sikh community whose beliefs see many members required to wear turbans in public. This lead to the customary back down by the security company and an apology, but what about hat, I wear a hat often yet according to this advert I’m not able to wear it at work but if I complain of course it will fall on deaf ears as I’m not part of a religious order. Once again if a security company wants to ban headwear of any sort this is completely reasonable if it fits the look they want to achieve for their clients and this should cover all head garments not just no religious ones. Once again nothing against turbans but if there is a rule that stops me wearing a hat then it should stop any religious group wearing a hat regardless of the beliefs behind it.
See the Turban article HERE from the NZ Herald.
There has been some speculation that if this process carries on the place of prayer in national politics could be removed or modified probably and about time I reckon but there is no need for a long winded expensive enquiry just apply the most simple of logic to this issue and say that any formality needs to be respectful of all beliefs and all those who hold no beliefs at all.
One rule for all regardless of faith this goes for prayer, dress, driving, rugby and any place we live under the guidance of rules and regulation. Having a split legislative frame work based on race or religion of any sort regardless of how trivial it may seem is not better than discriminative laws that were once found in places like South Africa. If New Zealand wants to be a multi cultural society of tolerance it must treat all cultures and religions equally under law.
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14/8/2011: Sorted99
Don Brash is just a rich man playing with Politics. Our laws need to take into account the differences in the demographics of our society and the inequalities poor policy has created its not racist or bias its just being respectful of differences.
1487/2011: Mate
#Sorted, Buddy is recognising one religious belief as more correct than others at a council meeting respecting our differences?
11/8/2011: STAG DAY 2011, Carisbrooks Maroon Goodbye - by Mark Wilson
The 10th annual Stag Day, held a little extra weight this year, not only were the lads keen to cheer their beloved Stags home to their third straight win at the Brook but also to say goodbye to the famous old venue in the only appropriate way with some rowdy Southland chants and a fair few tins of Speight’s.
The theory behind Stag day is simple get a massive army of Stags fans in various degrees of Stag related maroon attire with a few brews in them to lubricate the vocals and position a sideshow on the terraces to make the maximum amount of noise in support of the mighty Stags.
The catalyst for the day is the Satanic Verses RFC formed in 1989 by some ex pupils of Southland Boys High School and a few Doulies from Verdon who were sick of the grind of club footy but still held a love for the game a few brews afterwards with good mates. Being predominately made up of Southlanders the team was naturally good supporters of the local Southland NPC team at the time.
Over the years the Stags faced many a battle as well as some triumphant successes which has re activated and hardened the supporters of the Deep South forging what can now be seen as a generation of super passionate Stags fans many of whom play/have played for or are associated with Satanic Verses RFC. It therefore seems at least semi appropriate that every year since 2001 the Verses celebrate their existence by banding together and herding up hordes of Stags Fans to lead a full on supporters assault to the annual Stags v Otago fixture either in Dunedin or Invercargill.
The day can sometimes feature an exhibition match between ex Verses players from era’s gone by who pit their wit , beer belly’s and experience against the youthful exuberance of the current generation of players who years of hard drinking hasn’t quite caught up with yet. While this season there was no old v young match up due to the match being in Dunedin and the current Verses team having not played for months due to Stags commitments, weather issues and defaults by the opposition out of fear of domination at the hands of a pretty sharp backline and gritty forward pack there was a regular Verses fixture played on a sodden Logan park which featured a few veterans such as Hamish Skelt back to ply their trade again.
For the record the Verses took out a hard fought and often scrappy game 10-7.
After this the focus moved to the Southern Sports Bar and Grill which had kindly offered the lads $9 Jugs of Speight’s (I’m showing my age $4 jugs was a deal in my day) and a warm dry place to drink them while mentally preparing for their role as supporters come 2.30 at the Brook. A good crew of young and old passed muster and assembled at the Southern to be joined by a Brad ‘Dougie” Fellow and Richard “Dags” Little lead minivan from Invercargill packed with Stagly goodness. Better late than never aey lads, a 4.5 hour drive from Invercargill, you must have taken the scenic route!
Tradition dictates the journey from the pub to the ground be completed in single file while chanting in a semi co-ordinated manner one of the big 6 chants that all Stags supporters must know this way the maximum amount of shock and awe to the local fans is achieved. The big 6 for those who may have been confused by the very creative chants being gracefully recited by the passionate group of Stags Fans known as the hard hats are as follows. (These chants would have worked wonders in a church recording studio etc but on the Terraces simple is best)
1) Sooooooouth-Laaaaaaaaaaand
2) S-O-U-T-H-L-A-N-D > Southland
3) We love Southland Rugby oi, oi, oi, oi, oi repeat enough to fully annoy Otago fans.
4) He won’t get it (or she won’t get it for effect)
5) Bull Shit – Bull Shit – Bull Shit , for then the ref inevitably makes a horrendous call.
6) You F#*Ked up, for when an opposition player makes a mistake, repeated loudly.
These chants are pure and simple and with a good crew can be heard on TV/Radio and by the players. An simple and effective chant is not a melody about James Wilson doing a Hula Dance Hard Hats. Good on your for adding your unique helmeted maroon flair to the occasion and some long overdue creative flair to the world of chanting but the Verses and many more supporters groups before them have been using simple maybe boring but effective chants over and over again for years and they do the business.
The single file line was lead this year by one Nathan Proctor a member of the family Proctor who have the record of fielding 4 brothers in a Verses match at one time, including one ginger, most impressive! Nathan was kitted out in a Stags Jerseys and accompanying Stag Helmet (12 pointer, George Sound vintage). The Stag Helmet in questions is mine, I made it a few years back when they were coming into fashion, it’s been to most grounds in NZ over the years as well as on the field in 2009 when the Stags broke their shield drought and despite a few raised eye brows it’s been allowed past security every time.
Picture this – a group of Stags fans in single file which has been gathering in supporters like a black hole as it winds to Carisbrook from the Southern arrives in good nature chanting and singing. There are students, lawyers, coaches, teachers, 18 year olds to 35 year olds it’s by no means a menacing crowd of 18 year old Scarfie trouble makers but it is a menacing crowd of maroon all desperate to get onto the terraces and see the might Southland Stags ripping into Otago. A fearsome sight for Otago, awe inspiring for a Southlander.
This Speight’s fuelled Maroon juggernaut came to a screeching halt as security decided this time the Stag Helmet ‘Shall Not Pass’, security (Amourgourd I believe) were Gandalf like in their resoluteness but juvenile in their application of common sense while their appreciation for the spirit of the event was akin to Adidas’s recent appreciation for the value of the All Blacks jersey to the people of New Zealand. The police ended up mediation the situation and looked after the Stag helmet and avoided any nasty allegations of assault that were levelled at Nathan by the apparent head of Security for the day who was some nasty which like women who would have battled to keep order in a kindergarten riot. The Police were excellent, maybe as they are full time professionals, maybe because they applied the common sense that was lacking in the entire security force at the terrace gate.
The lads channelled their anger at the Otago team and their fans at times and things were definitely not as jovial or laid back as they had been earlier due to the efforts of security. Like the previous few encounters the Stags fans were in fine voice handing the for once impressive number of Otgao supporters a decent hiding in the noise, passion and overall effort in support stakes.
The only hitch was a lack of co-ordination between the relatively n
ew on the scene yet very passionate and much publicised Hard Hats supporters group and the well established Satanic Verses lead crowd. The Verses may have had some young lads in the mix who are prone to firing a few cans at the Razorback and even the odd security guard and getting in the face possibly a bit overzealously of a stray Otago fan or two but they are mixed in with guys who have been attending Stag Day’s for a decade so are fully aware of the need for simple loud and effective chants, well directed one liners at the ref and touch judge when they are close enough and the odd well placed projectile to spice things up. Overall if the two groups had of synchronised a little better the overall results would have been even more impressive but on the whole it was a victory in the stands as well as on the field for the Stags.
On the field Big Tim Donnelly looked ready to head overseas which is a shame as he has been a great stalwart for Otago over the years and is a good man, he along with Carisbrook looked ready to retire and head to stud their glory days behind them. Tom blamed the referee a little for Otago’s loss but a quick look at the tape or the penalty count would show you he was really just frustrated more than anything as the officiating was a touch harsh against Southland if anything. The young former NZ age groupers like John Hardie, Robbie and Alex ‘Weedo’ Ryan really started to show out and this bodes well for more great victories in the Stags days that still lie ahead.
Cheers to all the young fellas for carrying on the passion, and a great effort by some of us older lads who at least tried to keep up until things went a bit blurring at the Alaskan bar under Henry Wilsons place in the wee small hours.
Stag Rugby This is Living. – oh yeah the All Blacks won, it’s like a nice dessert after a main course of Stag Rugby!
# Media Coverage from the Day "Any Publicity is Good Publicity" ODT - Mad Cap Tackle a Tall Order
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25/7/2011: Bringing the Shield Home- by Mark Wilson
A year is a long time in Rugby, epically Stag Rugby!. No one would know this better than Jamie Mackintosh. Whoppa the man who lead the now fabled 2009 assault on Rugby’s most famed possession had suffered the pain of seeing the unprecedented support, momentum and passion that had built up behind his mighty Stags outfit in recent seasons lie in tatters at the hands of the heavily publicised financial issues swirling around the union.
In 2010 Southlanders fended off the cold winter by basking in the glory of the Ranfurly Shield however in 2011 the gloom of Julys bitter winter storms was intensified by negative publicity, the threat of relegation returning to the competition and early season injuries compiling a shortened build up for a turbo charged season featuring midweek games, hectic travel schedules and turnarounds shorter than James Wilson's new haircut.
The potential bleakness of the situation was perhaps best epitomised by the lone supporter who stood steadfast in the bitter Invercargill winter as a lone voice on the terrace during the Otago pre season outing. He was there Speight’s in hand, decked out in his trusty Driza-bone, standing loyal and true but absent were the few thousand others that had huddled on the terrace the following season to cheer their beloved Stags on.
The season started with flat performances by both the team and its fans. I watched first hand from the terraces as the Stags slumped against Waikato in front of the smallest crowd in recent memory. It was a cold night but so was the Auckland Challenge the year before when over 13’000 faithful cheered the Stag home in a gladiatorial performance of defensive stoicness .
Roll around ITM Cup week 3 and in the lead into the Shield challenge the country had once again written of the Stags, the TAB had dropped them to favourites for relegation paying $6 for a 12 and under victory to wrestle back the shield. The ribbing about poor performances from mates had started up after 3 or 4 years absence and once again there was the real threat of Stag Rugby faltering. 
Like always though true character find a way to climb out of adversity. The Stags have always had great spirit which is now matched with great ability and self belief, they wouldn’t jut lie down and flag away the season 3 weeks in, any real Stag fan or rugby commentator who bothered to pay attention to the personalities that make up this great Stags team would know this, anyone who ever met Peter Skelt or any of the coaching staff would know this. The players would fight back.
Real Stag fans are also a rare breed of fan willing to go to extraordinary lengths to help their beloved Stags. Michael ‘Tinners’ Stuart was once quoted in the media a saying he would walk through broken glass for the Stags. What better occasion to show your true Stag colours than to engage in ‘mission retrieve the shield 2011’. Knowing the team would need a real lift, seeing the difference passionate Stag supporters had made in the past at away games turning foreign turf into an extension of Rugby. With this the scene was set for another great chapter in shield history to be etched into the turf at Canterbury’s temporary home Rugby Park.
I started the weekend by heading to the second last last test match at Carisbrook. A few of my old Verses team mates were back in town from various locations around the globe and we met up at the Brook for one hurrah, despite it being an All Blacks test it was a bit of a waste of 55 slides as we spent the whole match talking about the Stags. Dunedin doesn’t do much for me at night anymore now that the University has forced much of the student drinking inventory to close so I took the early night option to ensure that I was 100% for mission “Shield Recovery 2011”
A fine muster of Maroon in various states of sobriety assembled bright and early at 700 Great King St to convoy to Christchurch. Mac Finlayson was sporting a powerful beard and full Stags kit including a bound to be new fashion hit maroon long backed hat. Scotty had his scarf and there were Stags Jerseys from various era’s on looking clean and pressed and ready for action.
The trip up was lubricated by the Southern Mans favourite drop Speight’s and a few phantom scarfie budget hunters hung over makers the aptly named cans of Diesel. Jack Gavin one of many who have adopted the Stags as a team of choice despite not actually even being from Southland was getting his Swede throwing eye in by depositing a few Eggs onto other members of the convoys windscreens while as always the evolution of the male urination continued to be broadened with many new innovations to cope with the hectic travel pace required to ensure we arrived on time to make ourselves heard on the embankment.
Hammo, Scotty and I did a rapid drive by the Bealy Ave Speight’s Ale House which was the site of rapturous celebrations when Southland last lifted the shied. For good luck we decided to check in for the night and have a settler at the bar before making our way to the ground.
We had an impressive maroon army of 20+ but this swelled rapidly as we confidently strode to the halfway mark on the embankment and merged with several other agglomerations of passionate Stags fans who had made the long trip. I had donned the 12 point Stag helmet which for the first time in a long time was the only one on display, not a bad omen I hoped. I gave Keith Browns face painted niece my cardboard Stags head cut out, to which she almost shed a tear assuring me that it would be going in her room at uni, that was the level of passion of display. I told her I hoped she did a better job today than Keith did as TMO when the Stags were robbed of victory against Waikato in the 2006 playoffs.
Akin to the 2009 challenge the Stags fans completely dominated the opposition while the team slowly gained dominance on the field despite a few moments of Canterbury magic from turnover ball. Stevo the Stag (formerly and more memorably for us older heads Gerry after Gerald Dermody) whipped the Stags fans into a frenzy and surely must now be rated as the game’s premier mascot.
The rain which heralded the arrival of the latest major winter storm started to move in from half time and this seemed to comfort the Stags as they produced a powerful forward onslaught lead once again by Mackintosh who made hit up after hit up. This was backed up by a far better kicking game and continued threatening attack by Cornforth and Lynn out wide. The Stags played the Rugby Stags fans love to see, tight uncompromising play, accurate play with few mistakes or turnovers, taking any opportunity for either the referee or the opposition to throw a spanner in the works.
You only have to look at the photos, video clips and TV footage of the celebrations that followed James Wilsons well struck clearance to touch to close out the game to see that this win meant so much to the players, coaches, officials and fans alike with Cowan and Bekhuis rushing into the crowd like a new ram in the with ewes for the first time. Following a tense final few minutes of pick and go, to as it has now become known STAG out the game there was chaotic scenes on the embankment with salvos of high fives, man hugs and wild shrieks giving way to a well coordinated Southhhhhlaaaaand chant to leave the Canterbury fans with a lasting audio byte from the game as they trudged through to drizzle to contemplate life without the shield.
Having been at the game where we lost the shield in 2010 I felt a little empathy for for Todd Blackadder as we managed to find him walking home and do a Stags fan drive by to make sure he knew what the score was so to speak. It was great to see him with a wry smile on his face knowing we really appreciated what had been achieved and would take good care of the shield as teams he had played in had done a decade earlier.
The night was filled with war stories, Stag-isms and Stag-jectives such as Stag-tastic, Stag-sational, Stag-gerring and the like. Speight’s flowed as did congratulations from Canterbury fans which I found very pleasing considering the bad rap we often give them. They seem to be respectful and happy to lose to a bunch of people who appreciate winning as much as Southlanders.
This win may not have broken a drought like in 2009 but it has provided a massive shot in the arm to a campaign that had all the hallmarks of being a real battle for the lads and not only that but it will re invigorate a region that had the wind stripped from its sails by some In my eyes a counter productive vilification of many people in Southland Rugby circles by the media.
Yet another weekend of memories for the scrap book, thanks for Whoppa and the lads and all the Stags fans for making it such a great occasion, who says history doesn’t repeat!
“Stag Rugby This is Living”
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26/7/2011: Lindsay McClean
Excellent article Very well written Was a another great day The Stags have got something really special going on at the moment Great management Great coaching...and the best players who play to a system that works for them and which they have all have bought in to........I hope the administrators grab the opportunity as its the good feeling we are all after...who cares if it costs us a few bucks
25/7/2011: Super Stag
Stagtastic effort lads! Funny to see the Southland Times jumping all over this loving the Stags after not long ago berating them.
10/7/2011: American Express Queenstown Winter Festival 2011 - by Mark Wilson
Where to begin? My poor liver has just been subjected to five and a half arduous weeks taking the best Europe had to offer which in terms of alcohol definitely isn’t Ouzo (that Greek rubbish that resembles some foul acid tasting medicine I had a child and can go sink itself into the Marianas trench!) On top of this adventure which took in England, Ireland, Sweden, Greece and Germany I arrived back into the Deep South of New Zealand just in time to run bang smack into the careering train that is the American Express Queenstown Winter Festival.
This 10 day party has been a staple of my life for nearly a decade, a week blocked off in the calendar perpetually. Over the years I have been heavily... some may say overly involved in the festival and anyone with the misfortune to watch/read and browse through the bevy of media sites, tv channels, in flight magazines, newspapers, airline cups, event guides etc that carry festival coverage will agree there is only so much of my flesh they can handle in any given year not to mention the numerous shots of Jose my trusty dog derby partner whose ever increasing girth is taking up more space on the pages each year.
This year however I had been busy prior to leaving for Europe and hadn’t really given the festival much though it was of course blocked out of the calendar but like the Rugby World Cup it just seemed still so far away and in no danger of needing my attention any time soon. I didn’t buy one ticket, organise any work to do for clients or hatch any major plans to dominate my favourite events. I just tucked myself away in Europe and the thoughts of winter in New Zealand disappeared into a hazy Greek nightclub dance floor.
As I embarked on my 40+ hour mission home from the south of Germany the only preparation I was doing for winter festival was carbo loading on gummy bears and the brilliant Air NZ airline meals which seem to have grown another leg in recent years in-between catching up on some much needed sleep curtsey of an Air NZ sky couch. The sky couch for those of you not familiar with the adverts or the product itself was marketed as a cuddle class feature for two people and while I’m not sure I would be able to comfortably spoon anything bigger than a size 8 partner it did provide the nicest flight experience I’ve ever had.
I arrived back a little weary and a lot behind at work and headed straight to the office not a thought of the festival. Maybe it was the lack of snow, there was more snow on Coronet Peak when I departed in mid may and upon my return it was barer than a sub continent cricket wicket and offering about as much entertainment to viewers as Mark ‘Rigga’ Richardson batting on one.
But prepared or not the Festival hit me, kicking off on Friday when a rushed looking Jo Holly and Lisa Lye from Elevate TV arrived in my office looking for a wireless mic to help them capture the sights and just as importantly sounds of the festival. I had every charger cable under the sun a few spare video cameras and plenty of last season’s Southland Stags posters but alas no mic. Festival demons one Mark zip! Well don’t worry its bound to be a cruisey week I thought, no work on, no tickets to events, no snow so most my mountain events will be cancelled just a nice easy week to observe the festival from the outside for a change. 
Those thoughts were about to prove as dangerous as the famous kiwi last words “I’m having a quiet one tonight lads” and just as deadly. Despite easing into Winter Festival with a reasonably sensible effort at the fireworks and opening party the pace of the week escalated as did the alcohol intake and the participation levels to leave me in a similar if not worse state come day 10 as every other festival. My plan for a quiet festival had gone tits up in a big way and respite for the liver seemed to be getting father away instead of pulling up beside me in a Winnebago and asking me to hop in and lie down across the back seat.
Daily Summary of the Festival as I can recall...?
Day One: Friday 24/6 June – Fireworks and Opening Party.
Friday saw one of the most spectacular fireworks displays in recent memory and a more than bustling night in town punctuated by a large influx of domestic tourists to offset the loss of most of Australia due to Jet Star being too tight to continue loss making routes while ash clouded the skies.
Day Two: Saturday 25/6 June – Parade
Saturday dawned relatively fine and the street parade kicked off. Despite missing the obvious highlight which was the lovely lasses adorned only in body paint it seemed the energy levels were down a little on previous years, maybe the hard month of no snow had taken its toll on the community spirit? If that didn’t the Southern Stampedes loss to the Dunedin Thunder on the first night of their double header on the back of a god like performance by Ice Blacks goalie Rick ‘Lick’ Parry would have. Never fear though the warm fires of Queenstown’s many bars and stuff drink do wonders and left many revelling in a winter glow come nights end.
Day Three: Sunday 26/6 June – More FM Day on the Bay and Mountain Scene Thriller in the Chiller.
Sunday is the ‘More FM Day on the Bay’ one of the 3 biggies traditionally for my festival week. The More FM birdman was a little disappointing with perceptual crowd favourite the flesh flaunting Hush Spa gals taking the year off along with seemingly everyone else. The Orange ball guys were probably the best of a slightly less than inspiring assortment of consumed nutters who took the plunge into the icy waters. However things certainly picked up from there at great pace with the Jet Sprints powering into full flight, despite one spectator boat ending up submerged the main event was relatively incident free unless you were the More FM arch which took a beating from the spray and tried to r
etreat to safety up the beach. Having just arrived back in the country master of the V8’s on water Groove from K JET took out the line honours which is becoming a disturbing trend for many in the industry. Maybe its because he has a hot wife to be the glamorous Janey Newlands who made the mistake of handing me the mic after my comeback to the top of the podium care of the world’s most painful dive finish in the Splash for Cash, which resulted in me reminding her of something I imagined she had said last year about leaving Groove for me if I won the Splash and Dash, the mic was promptly grasped back in a panic and the red faced presenter left to drag the content back out of the gutter. The lack of snow saw the crowd’s balloon on the main beach as curious onlookers bustled to catch a glimpse of the unique action on display. 
I had a short respite to scrape the gravel off and mop up some of the blood from my torso and thighs from the splash for cash before I had donned the mighty yellow gymmies and was lining up alongside the likes of Ex Kiwi league international Wairangi Koopu (In town Filming Code for Maori TV) in the Undy 500. After two seconds in the last two years I was pretty keen to go one better and despite the course being far too short for my liking it looked like it would be suitable for to give it a real nudge. As is often the case however, a couple of pull troughs left on the 2 in the countdown throwing a real guinea pig in the works. I managed to deposit a few fellow competitors in the lake including Koopu (he pretty much Hollywood dived in, barely a finger tip was laid on you, aey Wairangi?...) and powered in with a big finish for 3rd but really needed either to have done some real training on top of chasing Swedish gals round Europe or had a longer course to take the title. I took my battered body home and couldn’t even get off the couch to make the Ice Hockey but the Stampede redeemed themselves with an 8 v 4 win over the Thunder in game two.
Thriller in the Chiller took place on Sunday night and the team at Speights hooked me up with a ticket which was much appreciated (cheers Finchy). They also hooked me up with some cold Speights and date, above and beyond the call of duty I thought, I think my date was reasonably interested in going above and beyond the call of duty as well but there would have been some interesting local ramifications of this including me owing one young Southlander famous for his You Tube hit video on the Stags victory in the Shield challenge in 2009 a dollar (those of you familiar with how the dollar game works will be all over this one). A great night was had by all and I even wore a suit which shocked some more than the fighter punches.
Day 5: Tuesday the 28th June – Mardi Gra’s
The next big event on my horizon was the Air NZ holidays Mardi Gra, an event which despite the gradually diminishing parades of recent years usually acts as a pretty handy springboard to a decent night on the lash. Grab a few brews from the Speights Ale House trailer and a Flame beef or Chicken burger and your set for the night to catch some class acts, however this year seemed to be devoid of real top recognisable acts and with the lack of snow and flat parade only the spirit of the locals and the efforts of those who did take the stage especially one young performer who sung some magic covers saved the night and allowed for the crowd to slip happily into the Queenstown night scene. Festival Guru Simon Green is already promising a big draw card act for 2012 so I’m feeling a quite hopeful next year will go off like a cat in a sock.
Day 6: Wednesday the 29th June – Q92 More FM Drag Race.
Wednesday is of course famous for the drag race and I managed to sneak along to see the action again. With quite a few new faces in the crowd it was anyone’s event to win and Alpine Health and Fitness’s Richie Heap looked dangerous until he stopped to show off his push up technique and was soundly whipped but his fellow Queens to finish dead last in his heat. Ryan ‘Queen@Scene’ Keen looked dangerous also but was subdued in the final by Kawarau Bungy Centre’s Richard ‘Amanda Reckon with’ Mackley and was left to clutch at his Miss Friendly prize along with some of his other contestants upper thighs for consolation.
Day 7: Thursday the 30th June – Speight’s Dog Derby, Dog Barking and Great Stag Roar.
Thursday is always the main event for my week, the Festivals semi endearing favourite and foundation event the Speights Dog Debry and Dog Barking. I got a early morning PT session with Mel from Surreal who looked surprisingly fresh for festival week out of the way and charged over in excitement to the Waterproof Structures office to grab my long time team mate the now significantly overweight and constantly over nourished due to his scavenging skills Jose off his owner. Jose seems to know this day well he bounded around the office like a 7 year old kid pepped up on mountain dew and orange sherbet. Seeing he is now advanced in year I power him up with some snacks for energy and grab a blanket for the old fella to coma out in after the race. I don the trusty Speight’s oil skin and matching poo brown stubbie shorts which go great guns sliding on hard snow but don’t offer much protection from the winter elements and shoot off to grab Lisa and Jo. Jose took a shine to Lisa and by the time we reached the top he was a little worn out from all the attention but there is nothing like bare paw on frozen snow to snap you back into life and h
e was soon pissing, sniffing and rolling his way round Coronet Peak.
The lack of snow saw a course change which suited me well, running instead of sliding has to be advantageous to us smaller guys who don’t have the weight to achieve maximum sliding velocity. While it suited me about half way down and gunning for the lead I worked out it didn’t suit Jose as he went from snapping at my heals grinning like a teenager finding dads x rated magazine stack to out of sight and probably walking slower than a convict walks down death row. I arrived first at the finish line with the slight issue of having no dog so it was back up the hill to extract Jose from his causal jaunt down through the learners slope and to the mustering course. Again he followed a few good looking lady farm dogs but never quite made the gates so it was a DNF for us for the 8th year running. I hit the BBQ and enjoyed a few cold Speight’s with Willie, Finchy and the Speight’s team while Jose enjoyed the back of the car with his blanket some Salada crackers and an ice cream container full of water.
Jo, Lisa and I hatched a plan for the dog barking competition en route down the mountain that included me practicing my human bark seeing it has been needed for the last 7 years on every occasion. This year they moved the event from Village Green to Earnslaw park due to the Ice Rink occupying the previous venue. This proved a little troublesome as they view was poor for spectators but that didn’t stop them being subjected to a variety of barking efforts both canine and human. There was the deep low pitched woof woof woof, the yappy annoying town ankle biting dog’s yap yap and even the odd bark that resembled the noise you imagine a strangled leprechaun would make. Jose once again blew out on the barking and I filled in adequately and even managed a pitch for the Southland Stags worked into my bark. Jo found a dog called Holly named after her last name she reckons...? Coincidence only I think Jo, Holly the dog version was tipping the scales at least 70kgs and human version a little less I hope. Holly the dog looked as if she had consumed the entire cast of 101 Dalmatians and as they say you are what you eat did resemble a Dalmatian in colouration at least. There was no surprise that the winner was a southern dog Mason owned by a Southern Man John Broughton of Ohai.
From Dogs barking to Stags Roaring the nights festivities continued back at the Speight’s Ale House as Frewser hosted the country folk and a scattering of curious townies and tourists to the second annual ‘Speights Great Stag Roar’. I had the privilege of being the Judge for the second year in a row which has its benefits, firstly you get some good tips from the more talented entries which you can put in practice in the the bush the following season and you avoid having to a make a knob end of yourself by getting up and trying to make your roar sound semi decent through a loud hailer. There were 19 entries including one poor lad who came in a fashionable Camouflage Jacket which after and day on the Tri Star looked like a hunting jacket so he was strong-armed into the competition only to sound more like a mating bull than a stag. Lisa put her best hoof forward and crashed and burned while Sheryl who was down from up north and looking for a husband put in a sterling effort to take out the ladies section. The night carried on a little from here with flashes of Buff Ugly and the Wet T-Shirt competition at the Buffalo club etched into my mind in the morning I’m assuming it was a late one!
Day 8: Friday the 1st July – Speight’s Summit Dodgeball, Southern Stampede v Botany Swarm
Friday required me to pull myself together quickly and head off to training with a few clients first thing. They always tell me I train them harder when hung over, maybe I should charge more on those days? Following this it was a rapid fire change into my sporty Speights Summit Dodge Ball MC kit consisting of some bright blue LuLu Lemon shorts care of the lovely Alex who runs the showroom on Shotover Street and a bevy of Speights Summit gear from the team at Speight’s. I thought i better look the part seeing I was teaming up with the gorgeous Jo Holly to MC the event and didn’t want to be completely overshadowed. I ran in late and found Jo doing a great job rarking up the crowd and dodgeball misfits alike with some brilliant renditions of some of the more memorable dodgeball quotes from the well known movie “if you can dodge traffic you can dodge and ball” very true in Queenstown, but maybe “if you can dodge a pedestrian taking a photo of the mountain in your car you can dodge a ball”? I grabbed the mic and ripped into things only to be blessed with my brother taking the court to cop some of my best piss taking. Once again to reference the dollar game Adam owes me a few and Jo and I let him know it as his team ‘Ndodgement’ from NZone Skydiving ripped through the competition like Quade Cooper through the Blues backline before being upset by the eventually champions the not so tiny ‘Tiny Gineys’. 
It was an epic day, bacon butties’ from the St Josephs school fundraising tent kept Jo and I in top form and an ample supply of Speight’s Summit from local rep George Wallis made sure we were well hydrated and our dodgeball puns didn’t get to PC. I think I may have gone a bit far at one point when I ripped out the line that Lisa who had just been hit in the head by her second dodgeball in a matter of minute had taken “a pair of balls to the face prior to 2pm, great effort Lisa”.
Winter Festival photographer Stefan from TappedNZ was snapping shots of the day in-between serenading Lisa. The two of them disappeared at one stage under the guise of going up Coronet Peak to take some more photos but the jury was definitely out on what really happened.... Jo and I had a professional disagreement over the covered best dressed award that came with a generous $200 voucher for the Speight’s Ale house. Jo liked my neighbours the Kent Street Ninja’s who turned up armed with all kinds of Ninja weapons and should have been patted down by security prior to entering the court and I was a fan of the Canadians gals all dressed up for Canada day as Canadian Beavers complete with tails. Luckily for me the Ninja’s had gone home for an early shower and I got to bestow the award on the Canadians who responded with a rousing rendition of their national anthem which would put us kiwis to shame. I was hoping for a few phone numbers and an invite to help them spend the voucher but in the all the hype neither were forthcoming.
A quick change and it was ice hockey time again with the Stampede taking on the top ranked and often cocky Botany Swarm from Auckland. Lisa joined myself and Stefan down at the action with the video camera to take some stalker video of her favourite player Jamie Moore-Carter oh and shoot some footage for Elevate TV’s episode on the festival of course. Stefan was more interested in getting some shot with me that were questionable at least but he carefully selected the one where I looked fruiter than a central Otago orchard to share online and now my mother may be starting to think she has a second son about to come out of the closet (don’t worry Robyn it’s just the camera adding 20 pounds and a new sexual preference). The game was punctuated by pure aggression from both sides, a touch of cockiness by the swarm as expected that riled the Stampede especially famed penalty box inhabitor and hitman Braden Lee who received a game misconduct for fighting which added to his one the previous week would see him miss the Saturdays nights action. The Swarm won the game and fights were a draw and the crowd despite the loss never lost their voice all which made for another great nights entertainment at one of New Zealand’s hidden gem venues for live sporting action the Queenstown Ice Centre.
To help console ourselves after the defeat and to warm up from the frigidity of the Ice Centre Jono, Scotty, Jo, Lisa and I hit the Lone Star where I consumed my second full restaurant meal for the evening and an obligatory few Speight’s. With mountain mayhem looming and Lisa and I still suitcase-less we thought bed instead of town was a good option as the pumpkin hour loomed large.
Day 9: Saturday the 2nd July – Air NZ Holidays Mountain Mayhem, Stampede v Botany Swarm, Jazz Night.
Saturday the penultimate day of the festival plays host to Air New Zealand Holidays Mountain Mayhem. A magnificent event organised like clockwork by the Winter festival team and day events manger Josh ‘JC’ Clark with formerly retired Festival wonder woman Anna Bastin never far behind, in fact if there is winter festival action she is never far off. Jo Holly and Henry Youngman form More FM were the MC’s for the action.
I had to rustle up another fast suitcase after the team at Speight’s had somehow thrown mine out in the off season. I tried the second hand stores but the smart racers had already purchased all the vintage vinyl hard case weapons and there was only flaccid, strap and handles covered turtles left. As a last resort I headed to Smiths City and met a lad whose old man owned a suitcase factory or so he told me and we settled on a medium sized hard case fancy looking number. It may have set me back 10 times what my trusty old speed case that had done the last 3 races did but it looked the goods. I really needed it perform there was a lot at stake, the glamour of the title, the pride of victory, the safe passage of my scantily clad rocky balboa costumed body to the finish line with all my skin still intact and the two main motivators s rumoured trip to Japan which turned out to be more ice rink vouchers I think and the bet I had made with Jono Sutherland former Mr Speights of Queenstown but who is now Mr World Cup. The bet involved the loser having top ski down Coronet Peak of the Remarkables naked before the 2011 ski season is out. Fortunately for me I avoided the naked ski, however I didn’t avoid the skin being removed from my knees, but this paled into comparison compared to 2009 when I crashed my suitcase naked so I will survive. I came third a disappointing finish but a podium which is one better than NZ’s usual position at major sporting events the converted 4th place.
I was gutted as upon arriving up the mountain i realised an event which I had been trying to win for year and failing the Dash for Cash had been changed to a run only event which would have played into my hands, alas I was far too late to enter and had to watch as one of the few prizes which wasn’t an ice rink 
voucher went to Andy Fellows.
After doing a spot of MC-ing (always dangerous if you let me loose in front of a mainstream crowd) I joined Lisa in the musical chairs. Jo asked me my tactics I said stick to Lisa like glue, they worked well until there was about 6 of us left and i ended up with half an arse check on her seat and half on another ladies seat. Lisa with her closet aggression that came out in full force in the musical chairs would have pole-axed the other lady to get the seat but being a gentleman (at least on the mountain) I pulled out and was given the marching order s by Jo and Henry. Lisa went on to scrap her way to victory employing numerous dirty tricks such as the grab the seat from beneath the opponent as she is about to sit down and wrestle the opponent off the seat and finish clutching it like the last Jaffa in the packet.
Down the mountain more ice hockey and another hard fort loss for the stampede awaited us followed by a few pre drinks at the Dairy Boutique hotel. I lapped up the surrounds which included a roaring open fire and some classic kiwi art work, art work that was actually of something and not some alternative finger painting that could be done by a 5 year old and bought by an eccentric millionaire for a mint at auction. There was a nice painting of a kiwi and few good landscapes for when you couldn’t see the mountains out the window for the clouds. Jo was having wardrobe dilemmas and had to employ some of her do it your selfness to stitch up the side of a excessively revealing dress needless to say i was not encouraging this but assisted by removing the sewing kit from her vodka where it had managed to wedge itself. The gals may have taken a little longer to kit up for the event than me but its was balanced out by the fact they looked about 50 times as hot. A cold dash to the gondola and my first no naked Jazz night gondola ride left us pulling into our first set just after 1030pm. With the night wrapping up at 12.00am it was a whirlwind of photos, quick hellos and some Elevate TV video footage before we were heading down with some new friends in tow to cau
se a little havoc at the Ballarat Trading Company.
Now I’ve played the finger (drinking) game many times but never with bottles of relatively expensive champagne and it’s a quick way to lose yourself in the night. Jo provided all the necessary entertainment with her cameras faces and dance moves while Lisa seemed to attract here fair share of attention from well dressed male suitors, the obligatory pub scuffle with a token Wintonite involves broke out and was defused faster than a black caps middle order revival. Our final call in town was to Barup a cosy little spot upstairs of Searle Lane, Lisa and Jo danced the night away on the tables and left their mark literally... I was there the following week and the table was covered in heel impressions, but the lads who own it loved the show so they can forgive you. Things as they do after 4am got a little weird and as I crawled into bed at 6.15am I decided that a curfew was going to be implemented for next year’s festival.
Day 10: Sunday the 3rd of July - Closing day and the Quiksilver BOXES
Couch day!
Keen to be part of the action next year? Keep an eye on the Inappropriate.co.nz website for more information on how you can be joining us at the American Express Queenstown Winter Festival 2012.
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16/4/2011: The Social Network- by Mark Wilson
Addiction is a nasty word used most often to associate the human struggle with substances such as Alcohol, Nicotine or Cocaine. Dependence on any one of these or a number of other substances can put pressure on your wallet, tear apart families or relationships and rot the brain and other vital organs.
Addictive substances are often used in moderation by some to garnish great enjoyment without compromising their existence and ability to sustain a so called normal level of function in their professional and personal lives. However when the balance tips the fix from a want to a need lives can unravel quickly and as we have seen with some very high profile celebrities large scale train wreaks can occur in some cases resulting in death.
It’s not just dangerous chemicals and class A drugs that can be addictive, there is the stable of prescription meds, such as pain killers and anti depressants there are certain foods that some people can’t seem to keep out of there gobs which from time to time result in forklift arriving at someone’s house to extract them for a tax payer funded hospital trip to have life saving surgery , a little more publically humiliating than the subtle ambulance to hospital after the drug overdose unless of course you’re a celebrity catching the taxi of shame rehab under the prying eyes of the paparazzi. 
While addiction always has and always will exist there is inevitably a battle between people’s different vices for the top spot. Alcohol has been a real stayer, while cigarettes nicotine hit was all the rage earlier in the century survived two world wars but now seems to have lost its lustre. Cocaine, ecstasy and now P have been drugs of choice over the years and its becoming a real battle out there for the top spot, party pills came and went leaving so called legal highs which have failed to stir the same hype.
However they now all play second fiddle to a new player in the addiction game, technology or more specifically social media and communications technology.
There have always been computer geeks, gamers and programmers who spent far too much time in fantasy land conquering mythical worlds or communicating in bits, bytes, protocols and code rather than face to face. A small well stereotyped group they posed no real threat to society except when board occasionally taking down the odd major financial institutions mainframe computer system or hacking a member of royal families email account.
Not only were these geeks or nerds harmless they provided no ends of entertainment for the mainstream population by proving easy targets for bullying and ridicule as well as spawning several great movies such as the Nerds series of films.
What’s dangerous now is that computer addiction has gone from become a small player to a mainstream and the addicts have gone from being obscure nerdy types to encompass all segments of society. With the advent of laptops, PDA’s smart phones, WiFi internet and the like, the reach of this addictive product has gone from small percentages of the population with enough money to afford the technology or brain cells to understand it to the virtually the entire globe.
Following on from the hardware component the geeks once resigned to being undervalued; under loved and underrepresented in the popularity states have developed software platforms that have effectively given them control of the world. Their companies are worth billions, they control the flow of information, can create alter egos online that make them appear cool and most importantly they own the minds of the majority through social media sites like face book which have become the new cocaine.
What would happen if we took away the world’s ability to email, tweet, poke, face book, Skype or I/M? Billions of people forced cold turkey off the most addictive product on earth. Well you have seen what withdrawal from hard drugs can do, just look at Charlie Sheen and imagine that on a global scale. The nerds have the power to shut down society by shutting off the internet or even just things like face book or Skype.
Who are the addicts you might say? Well its you!
My flatmate races home from work grabs her lap top logs onto face book and away she goes, juggling adding new friends, looking at photos etc with installing new Applications or Apps in the addicts language on her Iphone which she can use in tandem with her lap top for high intensity sharing or just to keep her connected to her network during the day in case someone important is taking a crap and needs to update that to their face book status, she wouldn’t want to miss gold like that. She also cannot simply call people even if they live in the same town and have a land line because today’s generation can’t use land lines or face to face communication, even email is becoming a dead language like Latin replaced with pokes, IMs, face book chat, Skype and Apps. Instead she has to use irritating IPhone Apps such as the one that allows you to leave short 20 second voice messages and send them to other people with the App like text messages, great for the 3 people you know with the App. That can quite often be the entire night gone, and she is not even close to a worst case scenario, I know people who update their face book and send tweets while training, out riding their bike for example.
People feel the need to update their status on various sites or send a tweet to their followers for even the most mundane tasks such as changing a sock, making a coffee or watching their favourite reality TV programme. Reality TV is a favourite of the face book generation as it like social media lets you live your life vicariously through other people’s actions. I don’t see how it has any relevance to me that Tommy is moody today or Faydra is puzzled. It’s like everyday people need groupies?
What I have noticed with social media is that while initially 
We now rely on the experiences of the few shared by the many.
People have stopped living; the drug that is social media now consumes more time and resources than any drug that has ever done before. Just like drugs social media used in moderation is fine but when you live your entire life vicariously through your laptop or IPhone relying on reality TV and face book for your experiences you like any other addict lose touch with reality and need rehabilitated.
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9/4/2011: Finding the Perfect Swede- by Mark Wilson
I like Swedes, like any good Southlander but what is the best time of year to enjoy this southern delicacy abroad?.
Firstly what is a Swede? It's is a root vegetable that originated as a cross between the cabbage and the turnip. The roots are prepared for food in a variety of ways, and its leaves can also be eaten as a leaf vegetable. Down south we have a band known as the Swede Eaters and it is pretty much the national vegetable of Southland.
Swede can also refer to a Norse nation and ethnic group, mostly inhabiting Sweden and the other Nordic countries, with descendants living in a number of countries whose women tend to be blonde haired and blue eyed and more often than not pretty sharp looking.
If you want to sneak away from New Zealand on a overseas jaunt to find a few Swedes or even just to enjoy a relaxing holiday or a cultural experience or four I reckon a carefully placed autumn jaunt is the best plan of attack. There is a tidy window in March through to Early April and Another in May through until late June.
Stag Rugby hasn’t started, the ski season hasn’t started, there is a handful of Satanic Verses games interrupted by Easter, mid semester break and then the end of semester, the weather is that no man’s land type of weather with no real cold winter frosts or snows but not hot enough for water skiing, wake boarding or general beach shenanigans and BBQ’ing requires more than one layer. The perfect time to make a few sneaky trips out of the golden triangle I reckon.
The March and mid to late May and early June window’s offer what I believe to be the best travelling opportunities. April has the roar and Verses Rugby while early May plays host to Opening weekend of the holy pursuit of duck shooting so it goes without saying any trips abroad must be strategically manoeuvred around such crucial events in the Southern Males calendar.
This time last year I was being refused entry to Prego an up market restaurant attached to the Amari Palm Reef resort in Koh Samui, Thailand for lack of correct attire. Not the first time in a foreign land I had failed the dress code with memories of an incident in the Marriot hotel foyer whist in Panama city during the Great Beer Delivery still passing hazily through my aging mind. On both occasions due to the oppressive heat that was unbearable to my Southland thermostat I had declined the option to wear any clothing on the upper half of my body with the aim of avoiding heat induced collapse. This excuse was relayed stoically to the locals in plain kiwi English and met with an equally as forthright answer in pigeon English that this was not an acceptable excuse.
In the end I relented in a sweaty mess and made an Optimums Prime like transformation by adding a top which saw me allowed to join my Australian friends for an expensive yet bloody nice meal complete with free water a rarity in these parts. I felt for those poor Aussie girls, they were nicely dressed young ladies having to hang around with a scruffy New Zealander.
Despite this clothing disagreement and many other cultural differences, an ongoing battle with oppressive heat and hagglers trying to pawn me off all kinds of knickknacks I had a great trip to Thailand and missed the early New Zealand Autumn as intended retuning just in time to sneak a few games in for the Verses and light up the Maverick 5 shot pump action on opening morning at the mai mai before jumping back on the big bird and jetting my way to gay old San Francisco through until mid June to shelter from the early winter. 
Trip two saw me avoid the late autumn and early winter returning a few days before the start of the Winter Fest in Queenstown. While I may have avoided early winter in New Zealand I didn’t avoid fog season in San Francisco, a real trap for young players. If you’re planning a trip there as well as taking out any purple clothes you may own from your suitcase try to leave it until July at least to avoid the fog and cool winds.
Around this financially prosperous time (boy how things change in a year) and buoyed the success of my two previous adventures I also booked another trip this time to Europe for a skiing holiday for the upcoming 2010/11 winter season in the Alps. What was I thinking missing the NZ summer and my peak working time to go to a frigidly cold Europe to ski?
Crazy you might say but my brother had informed me of this phenomenon known as Stockholm week in the Alps of France where hoards of female Swedes descend on the mountain resorts for one week of the season.
I
needless to say being a lad from the south am quite partial to the odd swede, they go well mashed and mixed in with carrot, quite good in a venison stir fry and even satisfy your hunger raw so inherently was quite keen to get involved in this week and see what Frances swedes went like. On a completely unrelated Swede note this year the MVP for each game for the Verses is fortunate enough to be rewarded with a hearty mouthful of raw Swede and the honour of looking after the swede for the week until the next game, magic lads!
I never did get to taste a French swede unfortunately as my trip was derailed by shoulder surgery to repair a pig hunting injury. Recovery took a lot longer than I expected and also saw me off work for a lot longer, cost me truckload of money and left me hooked up to a Kurt Cobain size ration of pain killers and 10kgs lighter than pre surgery. Women would love to be me I’m sure but it’s no good trying to personal train clients without being able to do a push up.
I was weaker than Adedayo Adebayo’s defensive game but it did offer me the chance to rebook my trip to warmer months and go to the Swedes preferred growing area so I may not yet miss out completely. I will be chipping out a few insights on my travels on the www.inappropriate.co.nz website when I return post June 22nd once again in time for Winter Festival and less slightly exciting another shoulder surgery. For live or for those non sky subrcibers slightly delayed non HD coverage of my attempts as to spread southern culture around the UK, Sweden, Greece and Germany you can head to http://inappropriatemag.blogspot.com/
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27/3/2011: Facing extinction, is it too late to save the humble Dunedin Scarfie?- by Mark Wilson
“You can be a student anywhere but you can only be a Scarfie in Dunedin”
New Zealand has an unfortunate habit of removing species from existence or pushing them to the brink of extinction. Since human settlement we have killed off the mighty Moa along with one species of bat, at least 50 other bird species, three types of frogs, three lizards, one freshwater fish, four plant species, and a number of invertebrates.
Both Maori and the early European settlers did little to abate these losses which were caused by introduction of predators, clearing of habitat mainly native forests and wetlands as well as direct predation by humans.
Even now despite efforts to reverse our declining biodiversity we still have a number of species who you could say are touch and go, the Kiwi, Kakapo and Takahe to name a few. We realised
too late these precious national treasures were in trouble and now invest millions in helping them cling to existence with little hope of ever regaining their former prosperity
Unfortunately even with this awareness of how important it is to protect our unique native species, that diverse range of creatures that make New Zealand such an interesting place to live and visit we are in real danger of losing another unique creature New Zealand the humble Dunedin Scarife.
Native to Dunedin this species can travel large distances and is now found throughout the globe with large colonies in major International cities such as London, Brisbane and Sydney.
Scarfies stay in the main Dunedin colony for 3 to 8 years gaining strength and the key life skills that will help them when flourish when they leave the nest. However not all Scarfies leave the comforts of home and can be found many years later still around the main colony offering advice to younger generations.
At the centre of this formally flourishing colony lies common area known as Otago University where the Scarfie goes to learn and interact with other species.
The average Scarfie makes its nest in the areas surrounding the University campus. Most scarifies who are a relatively lazy species when it comes to getting around prefer to live in the low lying areas directly adjacent to the University. This North Dunedin area has become known as the student ghetto. However due to the demand for these flat areas exceeding supply some mature Scarfies and also a few disorganised ones who didn’t get flat hunting early enough end up living on hill tops overlooking the city.
Scarfies seem to prefer to nest in abandoned or derelict buildings often damp with questionable, plumbing, wiring and insulation. A Scarfie nest consists of a central room which is sometimes heated in winter; this room contains a TV and an old couch along with several road signs, Speight’s bottles, crates for extra seating, posters topless women adorning the wall and the occasional pair of female underwear from a past conquest. The nest also consists of 2 to 8 additional non heated rooms where the Scarfie sleeps and if they are very lucky mates with one or more partners in any given breeding season, known as a semester. So as not to confuse the scarfie who can become disoriented after dark due to consumption of a local brew known as Speight’s some of the nests have unique names such as the Pink Pussy, Beaver Lodge, Footrot Flats and Stagger Inn.
The Scarfie is social creature and they often congregate in large numbers at their favourite watering holes. Such spots past and present include, The Gardens Sports Tavern (Gardies), The Captain Cook Tavern (The Cook), The Bowling Green (The Bowler), The Fat Ladies Arms (Also known as the Oriental, the Last Moa and more recently Starters Bar).
There are several cultural traditions and rituals which are dear to the Scarfie and often take place at these waterholes or in the surrounding areas. They Hyde Street Keg Race, O-Week, The Cookathon, Tanker Day, Naked Rugby, Toga Parade and Re O-Week just to name a few.
These creatures have become endeared by New Zealanders over the last 40 years and carry a special place in the heart of many. Older Scarfies often look back with nostalgic lament at their time in the Dunedin Colony as the best years of their life; they regularly get together and share these memories over a few cold brews for the remainder of their adult lives and lately have expressed concern at the future of their species.
So what of the humble Scarfie now?
I headed back to Dunedin earlier this year after hearing about the continued demise of this once revered creature. In the preceding years I had witnessed a steady decline in the Scarfie population and many shocking changes to the Scarfie way of life, but Scarfies are resilient and often find a way to survive even under harsh pressures.
Returned however to see more of the Scarfies precious habitat destroyed. Many formerly great Scarfie watering holes which are so vital to the Scarifies social fabric and courtship rituals had either been destroyed or had deteriorated to such a condition they could longer serve the purpose they were designed for. The Bowler was gone, bought by the University along with Gardies, the Cook was under threat as the University had been applying pressure to their liquor license. Scarfies were being forced into the strange land that is the Octagon to socialise and engage in courtship. This saw them interacting with other species much more regularly and picking up behaviours and fashions from these outsiders.
The area where the Scarfies made their nest was also changing. The University has a stated objective to clean up and modernise the student accommodation stock. It had been purchasing Scrafie flats on Castle Street and other traditional Scarfie strong holds and inserting international students with the hope of reducing the Scarfies rowdy social interaction with each other. The price of these flats had also significantly increased while the student loan and allowance payments the Scarfies relied heavily on had barely gone up in over 15 years leaving them with far less social cpatial to spend on traditional Scarfie pursuits such as Crate Days, Red Cards and Sunday Sessions.
The Scarfies staple diet of Speight’s, wine, cheap spirits, canned food, Gardies toasties, takeaway pizza, stolen meat from other flats, mums rescue packages and cheap BYO Asian restaurants was becoming scarce. Prices for alcohol at the bars had skyrocketed from the humble $4.50 jug and $28 crate to $10.50 jugs and not a crate in sight. Yet large supermarket chains were offering the Scarfies an alternative, they could purchase their staple foods and drinks for a fraction of the cost elsewhere if they were happy to stay in their nests to consume it.
Scarfie behaviour had changed significantly, day time drinking had really dried up, bars were empty as the Scarfie had become a nocturnal creature and only came out of the nest to socialise at 1am and this socialisation was limited to dancing to music enjoyed in the clubs of Ibiza, music that wouldn’t have made the Juke box at Gardies that’s for sure. Couch fires were still in vogue but the numbers turning up to these burnings was much higher than in the past due to the fact all the Scarfies were cooped up in their nests not at the bars, this was leading to more clashes and incidents with the police that due to YouTube and modern media were beamed to the rest of the world in minutes.
Scarfies had always been larrikins but they had a healthy respect for the elderly, often to be seen pushing trolleys for the residents of North Dunedin even if that trolley later on ended up in the Leith. Scarfies flouted the law but respected those who enforced it. They were happy to push the limits but when the Police or Fire brigade appeared it was time to douse that couch fire and head back inside or down to Gardies for a reflective jug.
Scarfies were at university to have fun but realised they needed to sneak a degree in as well to justify their existence and to appease their parents. They worked hard in the Holidays to pay for the fun they would have in Dunedin and while they may not have realised at the time how fortunate they were they could comprehend the lifestyle they had was not a right to all and appreciated that.
Now it seems a visit from the police incurs a riot complete with bottle throwing. Maybe this is a by product of our PC parenting regimes of the 1990’s which bread a generation of “your not the boss of me”, “you can’t touch me” spoilt brats who knew all their rights but had no concept of responsibility. 
The modern Scarfie seems to mirror the modern young adults of today’s contempt for anyone who tells them what to do. There are many who think they are 6 foot tall and bullet proof and know everything there is to know about the world.
The Scarfie I now saw in front of me drunk cheap RTD’s from the super market in their heat pump warmed living room, while watching Jersey Shore on my sky HDI, sent pix’s from their iphone 4 to save wandering over to the neighbours for a yarn, communicated via face book from their laptop, had mums car, dressed in skinny or low riding jeans, threw bottles at cops, didn’t know what a pelican (not the bird) was, couldn’t do a 5 day bender if their life depended on it and went to pubs to dance not to drink.
There were a few traditional Scarfies remaining and these precious few were severely endangered. Their way of life threatened by a changing society, a University which sees them as an outdated class of people who need to be removed to make way for book worms and international students who spend all day in the library and all night in focus study groups thinking of questions for next week’s lectures. They have to face a government determined to further undermine their ability to socialise around alcohol in a way they are accustomed and a apathy among the citizens of Dunedin and its council as to how important this dying culture is to the city.
We need to save the Scarfie!
Otago University needs the Scarfie culture. They remove it at their peril.
I’ve never heard an ex Otago graduate sharing stories about a great lecture they went to or about who much fun they had in the Library, but I’ve heard plenty of stories about fireworks wars, social rugby booze ups, jumping in the Leith, Sunday sessions at Gardies, streaking and the like. The Scarfie memories are the ones that remain long after ones memory of how supply and demand elasticity works.
Ex Otago graduates are your marketing team Otago University and they sell you on your unique student culture, your Scarfie culture, not on your academic prowess. It’s the life skills garnished in this unique social experiment that have made graduates so sort after not the notes they took in a legal history lecture while trying to stay awake after a big night. It’s the ability to interact with diverse groups of people that students learn, it’s the team developed flatting, the budgeting of trying to get enough booze for the week while still paying rent, it’s the innovation fostered through trying to get your power meter to turn more slowly with a potato and a bit of wire. Scarfies are unique they have learned in this unique way this is why a degree in commerce coupled with Scarfie qualifications of drinking 101, flatting 101 and streaking 101 are more valuable than other University’s who simply offer a top quality academic qualification.
18 year olds sitting in Nelson, Hastings and Wellington don’t check out the academic history of a tertiary institution before attending they ask their mates older brothers and sisters where they went, where is it fun, where are the best parties and where will I enjoy my study the most. 18 year olds are not the rationale thinkers you give them credit for they want to go to Dunedin because they want to be Scarfies.
Otago University you have built a brand over decades and a strong one at that, this brand endures now but like any brand if your product deviates away from the perceived brand image for too long the brand will eventually be diluted and move towards the reality. There is always a lags and you are enjoying the benefits of this lag now, but there will come a time when the saying “you can get a degree anywhere but you can only be a Scarfie in Dunedin” will no longer apply and you will have lost your point of difference and the country will have lost another Species.
Every young adult needs a chance to let their hair down, try things, fall off the wagon for a bit and learn how to get back on, make an idiot of themselves, flaunt a few laws and get this all out of their system while having a great time with mates, learning valuable life lesions and educating themselves to be future contributors to society. That is what being a Scarfie is ... it’s the break you get in life before everything gets real, it’s not taking life to seriously, it’s a liberating experience.
An extract from Otago University’s Master Plan states that a major goal for the future is ensure the “Otago experience for students and staff as both positive and desirable”. Looks like those administering this plan are out of touch with reality here as taking away the pillars of Scarfiedom like student bars and Scarfie flats is in direct conflict to this objective.
If these are the famous last words of the Scarfie, If this is goodbye I am at least grateful that I got to enjoy being a Scarfie and it has added greatly to my life, I will always have those memories but the next generation will miss out on this unique experience and that is something we should be ashamed of as a country.
Links to Recent Articles on Student Culture and Binge Drinking in Otago.
University of Otago to end binge drinking
New initiative proposed to remedy New Zealand’s student binge drinking culture
Backlash on binge drinking clear
Alcohol outlet density related to binge drinking.
Police Association supports raising the alcohol purchasing age to 20
RIP ‘Whose killing the scarfie dream’
Not all past alcohol laws are outdated
The University Buys the Bowler
Scarfie TV (OUSA Funded programme 2009)
The Way Forward an essay by Aaron Thomson
Beer Promotion Leaves Landlord Upset, Car Upturned
Student Drinkathon Days Numbered
YOUR FEEDBACK
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29/3/2011: Rowdy scarfie days gone by
Do they still have the old Baths that the halls used to have. Remember some great fun had trying to nick the other halls baths.Have been back for several AB's tests in the 2000's and things had changed quite a bit. There was a dance floor and a DJ booth at Gardies, you couldn't buy crates over the bar and students dressed like they were going to Fashion Week in Italy.
27/3/2011: Arana
Scarfies are still alive and well, you older generations always think the sky is falling and that the youth are not as tough or as well behaved or whatever as you were but we are just the same excpet things are more modern now and this includes fashion.
27/3/2011: RIP
The university has a lot to answer for, they had there fun when they were young and they are taking it away from the next generation.
27/3/2011: veteran scarfie
I've been here a long time and times have changed for the worst in terms of student culture over the years. I noticed a large shift around 2004/05 and its been downhill fast ever since.
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19/3/2011: Is Charlie Sheen Winng?- by Mark Wilson
He has a Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, has won and been nominated for numerous film and television acting awards including in 2002 winning a Golden Globe for best actor in television series, comedy or musical, his wives have all been smoking hot, he was the highest paid TV actor in the world and parties with porn stars?
On the surface it’s every males dream, money, fame and smoking hot women. Sure he has the slight reality of a family or sorts to face up to as a result of his breeding escapades but with Sheens money and long list of women fanciers there is no shortage of nanny talent on offer.
Despite losing his job on Two and Half Men due to his wild child antics apparently inferring with filming and his slightly demented raving on air about the show’s creator his fame remains un-dented (note this is not the same as his reputation which is far from a smooth panel) and he recently set the a world record for the fasted to 1 million followers on twitter and is on a 20 stop circuit for his new ‘Torpedo of Truth’ show which looks set to be at least a fascination and more likely a runaway hit spawning more dollars for his hooker fund.
Some people and by some I mean a far few considering the number of hits Sheen related websites are getting are fascinated, envious and even in awe of Sheens lifestyle. Nearly 75’000 people signed up via a twitter promotion run by interns.com to be his ‘Tiger Blood’ intern.
It seems despite drug and alcohol bender’s, alleged violence against women, demented rants in some new Sheen language on live TV and radio and very public bashing of his image Sheen is in fact still winning, a popularity contest of sorts at least.
Why do at least segments of the population love this man? He is aging and his lifestyle has done nothing to slow the degradation of body and mind. Despite a recent appearance with a personal trainer looking at least lean, the body of his glory days in the Hot Shots films is long gone; his hairline is chasing the recesses of his scalp faster than Sheen chasing a line of blow and wrinkles are queuing to get a parking space on his party wearied face.
While Sheens body has suffered it seems his mind may too be feeling the effects of 7 gram rocks he has been banging and the 5 day sleepless drug and booze benders. His comments despite carrying large dollops of amusement value make little sense and seem to be either the ramblings of a mad man or a way outside the square publicity stunt dreamed up to perpetuate his on the edge image.
Sheens used to shrug off the rumours and insinuations he was out of control, garnishing a reluctant atmosphere around his partying antics. He definitely didn’t lay up on the partying but he towed the PR line that he was a good father, loyal husband with the failings of an everyday man subjected to the hoards of hot women, illicit drugs and wild parties.
Sometime earlier this year that changed. Sheen seemed to awake from a bender and decide he was going to embrace the beast to the fullest instead of living the life and keeping up appearances or at least making up some form of excuse when he failed to keep them up adequately he was going to be Charlie Sheen ‘The Winner’ with a penchant for expensive hookers, a fetish for porn stars, hard booze and harder drugs. He was no longer going to make excuses and anyone who didn’t like the real Sheen could take their perceptions and shelve them like a cheap party pill where the sun don’t shine.
Charlie is not the man a mother would be proud of but despite being a devout Roman Catholic one suspects while not endorsing his son Charlie’s lifestyle his old man Martin Sheen would be a little bit envious of the crumpet his son has consumed in his career and must at any father should be a little bit proud of the commercial, artistic and feministic success Charlie has achieved.
As a red blooded male and a massive Two and Half Men fan I have always liked Sheen, I enjoyed his early works on the big screen and enjoy laughing at his TV comedy. Most the lads I know up until recently at least have been massive Sheen fans. You cut the guy a bit of slack for the odd trip to rehab and a few broken marriages because put in the same situation of virtual unlimited money and fame deep down we know many of us could fall into the same traps.
Sheen lives a little like most men would if the constraints of ordinary life were removed. Take away the constraints of being turned down by women, take away money issues, take away having to work massive hours at a job where the most exciting person you work with may have made the work newspaper for a fundraising run. Sheen did a Tiger Woods by getting married a vital error for a celebrity of his calibre, married life will never work when as a man we are programmed to go forward and spread our seed and with Sheen he didn’t need to go far.
Perhaps the most perplexing thing about Sheen is he does not pretend to be a saint especially not now, he is not denying he enjoys some of life’s so called forbidden fruits, he acts now as if there are no consequences and let’s face it the judgement of society be it legal or moral is perhaps the greatest consequence of any action. Sheen no longer cares what we think; he loves his life or so he says and he will live it how he sees fit, either get on the train or get left behind.
He may sound and now practically look like a mad man, he may have lost his job, his clean criminal record, his wives, much of his respect but if and when he sleeps he wakes up in a Hollywood mansion sandwiched between two young hot specimens of the female species, with a bank account brimming with crunchie and millions hanging on his every word while waiting to cash in on a $100’000’000 law suit with Two and Half Men co-creator Chuck Lorre and Warner Brothers Television.
Charlie Sheen on the face of it may actually be winning and while I think I’d die living a year in his shoes a few days would be nice!
Links to Sheen sites, videos etc
http://twitter.com/#!/charliesheen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5aSa4tmVNM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0NIMTPYYcU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QS0q3mGPGg&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1hLduV1p88&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffwllaLGgKY&feature=related
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15/1/2011: STAG RUGBY 'An investment not a bail out'- by Mark Wilson
If you’re a Southlander or a rugby follower in general you will have at least taken a passing interest in the flurry of headlines some of which have been extremely hard hitting relating the financial circumstanc
es of Rugby Southland. The coverage has been hard to miss with the Southland Times running well over a dozen articles on the unions financial issues in the past month and half.
Not too long ago Steve Tew was holding Southland up as an example to New Zealand’s other unions of how to succeed in the current environment both on and off the field, so the news emerging of budget blow outs and funding shortages must have taken a few by surprise, even though it’s not the first time these words have been bandied about in regards to the Stags. It gets even worse the media pointing to a union on the brink of receivership being backed into a corner for explanations by the two large community funders who together account for a decent whack of the operating budget in any given year and who have in the recent past also added a significant top ups to this hefty regular contribution with the intention of avoiding ever being in this situation again.
Southland Rugby has never been without heartbreak, excitement or emotion it’s a roller coaster more often than not and can take a heavy toll on a weak heart, this latest decade has been no different. Over this time the Stags have gone from also-rans struggling to pay the bills, struggling to compete on the field, battling even to draw a crowd and retain players right through to the darlings of New Zealand Rugby, Ranfurly Shield holders and arguably New Zealand rugby’s most popular brand if you go by merchandise sales. It has been a hell of a ride for the humble Stags Fan made possible by large amounts of community funding, loyal sponsors, passionate fans and hard work both on and off the field by Rugby Southland.
Now the papers have Rugby Southland sitting at the precipice of complete collapse the Southland public and the Mighty Stags are faced with an apparent chance to lose it all and once again become a second rate union. This is at least what the sensationalist and often loosely worded opinion leading articles that have appeared in the papers and online would lead some to believe. A union in a state of financial turmoil with a liver destroying triple figure booze bill a bumbling back office and an unwillingness to answer questions.
The media is strange beast, all too predictable they will lift you up to heady heights of greatness then pounce on you like ravenous wolves when you stumble. If you don’t provide the facts they will fluff out what little information they have to generate a story, if the facts don’t suit the story they will take bits and pieces of comments, statistics and snippets of facts to craft something more friendlily to the headline they intend to feature.
Headlines and articles soon become facts in today’s world despite often being lacking in many facts at all. Public opinion is lead by sensationalist reporting to generate maximum interest and inflammation around a particular topic. Human nature dictates we pay more attention to the amazing than the ordinary and as such this sells papers and advertising.
While there is obvious substance not to mention public interest in the claims of financial difficulty made in the papers the language does not reflect the severity or the awareness that already existed around the problem. They would have your believe the Stags may very well not take the field next year, which is far from the truth. No wonder they have been having trouble getti
ng a response from the union until recently, they are stoking fires with little Lucifer’s and copious quantities of kerosene to see how high they can burn.
The Southland Times a paper I love and ardour mainly because it reports on the topical news of my beloved Southland region and features some reporters and contributors I enjoy reading and respect needs to take a long hard look at the way it has handled this issue. They have stirred up a degree of public resentment and alarm by their reporting and certain lines regarding booze bills, paying for parties and gluts of community funds have not been explained or contextualised adequately. The $100’000 booze bill for example was only later in the piece explained to refer to corporate clients and ground sold alcohol not player consumed and coach ordered after match celebratory drinks. Running online polls below articles that lead opinion only ever eventuates in one outcome which is far from a scientific one yet amazingly 50% of poll respondents in the two polls support the use of more public funds to get the Stags through and ensure they remain competitive.
Articles have highlighted huge costs to local funders and unsustainable costs to the public, yet have not pointed out that without any attendance at the games, outside funding from the NZRFU, contributions from the ILT and Community Trust or sponsorship the cost to each and every Southlander living in the region is only $45 to keep the Stags fully funded and in the premier tier of New Zealand Rugby and this cost will fall with the lowering Salary Cap. Paint that picture in your mind then ask yourself has 2010 and been worth $45 dollars to you. This excludes all those Southlanders living outside of the region who tune in and passionately support the Stags who also head religiously to Stuff.co.nz to check out the Southland Times headlines on the Stags.
People seem to have taken issue in particular to the rights of rugby ahead of others when it comes to community funding. I’ve spent the last few days trying to delve into this issue and have looked over all community funding allocations in the region for the last 3 financial years. There was some extremely interesting reading. The big 3 winners in sporting terms were in order and this may surprise some were, Hockey Southland $4’034’333 then Rugby Southland with $3’185’246 followed by Netball Southland on $2’154’000. Other notable and possibly surprising contributions from the Community Trust in particular is a $1’050’000 contribution over 3 years to the Queenstown Lakes District Councils new Aquatic Centre and an equally as perplexing contribution to the Gibston Valley Community Association of $200’000. When all is said and done Rugby Southland has accounted for only 5%-6% of the total community funding pool of around $60’000’000 that has been dished out over the past 3 years. And when you get an average crowd of 7000-8000 or 7.5-8.5% of the population to the games over that period it could be said that this support is justified on those terms alone.
The level of negative sentiment in the online comments has been fostered by the reporting and the misconceptions around the whole situation and this includes no one taking the time to report the funding levels accurately.
Another question is what value to place on this support, what do the community funders and the community expect to get in return for their dollars? Take Venture Southland for example they received $1’091’051 over the last 3 years from the Community Trust to help with their stated objective's to raise the profile of the region, build the Southland Brand and foster economic development. I’m a massive advocate of the region and its pure awesomeness but ask anyone outside of Southland what the brand is, ‘Spirit of a Nation’ and you would get confused looks akin to asking them what the motto for Invercargill is ‘City of Water and Light’. These brands unfortunately are taking time to gain the traction desired yet the Stags top the heap for merchandise sales for the ITM Cup and featured on TV, radio and in print media relentlessly after the Shield win and subsequent top notch performances. Ask anyone about the Stags brand and they will be able to tell you a great deal. So for $733’214 from the community trust over the same period you would have to say the Stags offered a far greater return on investment.
The whole term bail out is a complete hash, community money spent on the Southland Stags is an investment, an investment in the brand of the province, an investment in the goodwill of people, an investment in the self esteem of Southlanders not to mention an investment in our children’s sporting futures. Southland Kids have heroes like Whoppa, Jimmy Cowan and Tim Boys to aspire to. Both local and imported the players are legend's to the youth of Southland like the Sting players were to Southlands young netball girl’s years earlier... I thought our regional song even had a line in reference to the spirit of the south that went, 'you will find in the faces of children'? Well take one look at those faces when the Ranfurly Shield accompanied by a Stag turns up at their school. What price can you put on this and what other sport apart from Netball has managed to bring our province together and create the same positive community atmosphere as Rugby and the Stags?
I am reasonably confident the ILT knows the money they invest into the Stags doesn’t go far from the trough. The reality is no sooner has it left the vault under Super Liquor it is flowing back onto the balance ILT balance sheet via the city's beer taps and Speight’s sales on the terraces, not to mention the visitor nights spent in ILT accomodation. This leaves the community trust headed by John Prendergast who would have been among a very rare few community funders to ever put a sports team into receivership as the major hurdle to the Stags future funding levels. As Southlanders it’s our job to convince this man on the basis of real information and not journalistic sensationalism that you believe in the future of a team that has given us so much and has much left to deliver. It is my honest opinion that Prendergasts very public stand is as much politcal grandstanding caused by interpersonal issues he has with individuals at Rugby Southland as it is him playing the role of community funds protector.
The Rugby World cup and recession have put huge pressure on all unions sponsorship budgets and this has been a large contributing factor to the Stags current financial situation, far more so than any recklessness in the organisation. I work in sponsorship procurement for sports and events and it’s harder than convincing your parents you didn’t invest your student loan in the Gardens Sports Tavern to get a dollar these days. All sports
have battled and this problem will not go away for some time yet, the Stags will need extra funds from the Community Trust and ILT to get through this period and ensure Southland still has professional rugby. I challenge any of you to walk into Rugby Southland and spend some time in there and come out saying this is an organisation not concerned with how they spend their money or the outcomes they deliver for the community, most of the staff could earn far better salaries in other professions but their passion for Rugby and Stags keeps them soldiering away under the Stands at Rugby Park.
So this is the hangover after the Ranfurly Shield, after the summer of dreams. It’s like the morning after when everyone wakes up and say’s they are never drinking again, but in reality we realise what a great time we had and inevitably want to get back on the wagon. I hope this is the case and Southlanders will get over this media fostered period of indifference and once again seek that feeling we got when 22 Southland Stags, their staff and coaches not to mention 97’000 Southlanders gave a bunch of Jaffas the proverbial big middle finger after a week from snowy Hell. That my friends was a priceless moment and if you had to charge for it or had a dollar for every child who got to touch or have a photo with Ranfurly Shield the Stags would have more money than the region had snow leading up to the game.
Stag Rugby This is Living!
Community Funding Quick Facts. (Taken from ILT and Community Trust publically published annual reports and grant information, any non public and or non reported arrangements are not taken into account nor money received in the 2010/11 financial year)
- The ILT and ILT Foundation make’s on average just over $10’000’000 in grants, donations and scholarships each year.
- The Community Trust of Southland makes between $9’000’000 and $10’000’000 in grants most years.
- Over the last 3 completed financial years there w as around $60’000’000 dollars in funding allocated by the major community funders mentioned above.
- Rugby Southland garnished $3’185’246 over the last 3 completed financial years from this pool accounting for just over 5%.
- The 3 largest sporting recipients in order over this period were 1) Hockey Southland $4’034’333 2) Rugby Southland $3’185’246 3) Netball Southland $2’154’000
- Venture Southland was allocated $1’091’051 over this time to assist in regional economic development and promoting the region brand and its tourism assets. This was more than Rugby Southland over the same period.
- The QLDC was allocated $1’050’000 towards Queenstown’s new Aquatic Centre over this period.
Links to Community Funding Reports.
- ILT Annual Report 2007/08 [view PDF]
- ILT Annual Report 2008/09 [view PDF]
- ILT Annual Report 2009/10 [view PDF]
- Community Trust of Southland Grants Information
Links to Southland Times articles and columns on the Stags Financial Issues.
- Rugby Southland is Wrong (opinion piece from John Prendergast head of CTOS)
- Editorial - The Stags will be Backed Not Indulged
- Rugby Southlands Problems Not a Media Vendetta
- Union Owes Player $25’000
- Tasman Shows How to Make a Profit
- Not Entitled to Unlimited Support
- Time for Rugby Bosses to Front
- Rugby Southland Has Given Great Value
- Dispelling a Few Stags Myths
- Little Enthusiasm For Rescuing Rugby Southland
- Public Must Support Funding
- Public Attitude Towards Rugby vital to Unions Future
- Stags Yes or No?
- Stags Yes or No (2)?
- Costs Secondary to Ranfurly Shield
- Time for Rugby Southland to Pay for the Party
- Southland Rugby Runs out of Cash
- Rugby Southland Still Losing Money
Rugby Southland Links
YouTube Video of Stags Fan's Travelling to Christchurch to Help Bring The Shield Back to the South.
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17/1/2011: Danny Q
Brilliant, now why wasn't this the article that was supposedly 'breaking news'. I can't make my mind up what this was all about as it certainly seems to have been more than a cash blow out. Some one has their knickers in a twist. Thanks for actually doing some reporting
17/1/2011: eddie
RUGBY SOUTHLAND- gets my vote... who'd have thought hockey would get so much? Make syou wonder who got the community funders noses out of joint..... who 'investigates' their decisions? Thanks for the facts, a great article
17/1/2011: Taryn
Good stats there Mark, too bad you aren't being run in the paper at the moment, it would be nice to see a comment on this topic in there that's been researched!
15/1/2011: Mate
Stag-sational!
15/1/2011: Stags Fan
Stagtastic!
Final Southland Times Mate Column -
MATE 25-09-2010 WHEN YOUR TIME IS UP - click here to see the final Mate column in the Southland Times, it explains why you will no longer be reading it in print for the time being and what you can do if you would like to see it back.
GO TO - Southland Times Archive of Mate Column